星子天空

Snow Is Approaching

星期五 二月 27, 2009 9:05 am

From this window to yours,
it seems a light-year,
but only the gap between two screens.
You carefully switch them,
as if entering one will turn the story real.

Your mailbox is empty,
no mail, no advertising, no surprise.
Tap water drips from next door
reminds you of a sand clock sifting,
another dawn.

The repairman fails to mount double windows
to resist the night.
Fewer and fewer reminiscences,
the upgraded house can store.
Someone is eager to sell,
yet you hesitate.

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anna
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期日 三月 01, 2009 10:23 am    发表主题:
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Comments from Cass

Anna,

The title seems ordinary for this really unique read.

I'd consider leaving off "another dawn"

and I'd go with active "tap water drips" instead of passive voice there.
Not sure why that jumped out, could just be me.

Thanks for the read. Your poems just keep getting better. And I mean that.


vey very well done. a truly remarkable poem. kudos on this one,

peter

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