anna
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
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发表于: 星期四 十一月 06, 2008 8:41 am    发表主题:

A---

the poem resonates for me when you stick to the more secular passages:




But am I?
I clothe myself
in
m-i-r-r-o-r-s . . .

You never unclothe me
that deep.

which is terrific, especially the mirror reference, which i understood as an additional way of saying you do not really see me.

and these lines, too, strike me with depth and force:


II
You fail to see
the emptiness

I live in
a life
you create for me

and here:



The last one.
Sleepless, I turn.

The night overwhelms –


however, the poem ventures into overstatement, seems overwrought when evoking literal biblical associations ---


You become the God
me, the Eve

and again here:


An apple dangles
in the garden,
a snake hisses nearby.


to the disfavor of the poem, i believe there is a stumble into the Helen Reddy anthem of a few years ago,



Quote:
I Am Woman

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again




and then the poem:


Be woman, I hear you,
Be Your Woman,
naked and pure.



this is about as far as i could go with that thought:



Be woman,
your woman.


we come forward from ms reddy to celine dion in vegas earlier this year ---


When you call on me
When I hear you
Breathe
I get wings to fly
I feel that Im alive


yes, i different POV. 25 years ago the universal and political affirmation (like Plath 25 years before that), celine today the very personal and sensual --- like olds.


several women are writing IBPC successful poems you might like to at least read --- Yoly Calderon-Horn, Laurel Dodge. Laurie Byro and Dorothy Mienko.



sink holes and illusions
by Dorothy D. Mienko


he opened me
to a different way of dying

and concludes:



I wore him on my skin
for days

in my breath
I stored his stories
and his poems



not your POV in your poem, i understand, but the level of personal statement, regardless of the specific argument, is what i am calling attention to at this point.


otherwise, still hard to beat Plath --- not just her "daddy" poem that is so often quoted, but this poem ---Elm --- here a few lines:



Quote:
A wind of such violence
Will tolerate no bystanding: I must shriek.

The moon, also, is merciless: she would drag me
Cruelly, being barren.
Her radiance scathes me


http://www.angelfire.com/punk2/themosquito/index49.elm.html


i think your poem is best when personal and sensual.

like Plath.


i like that the poem yearns to be something more than average. sets a high goal for itself.


bernie