星子天空

A Chinese Nightingale

星期三 六月 11, 2008 3:53 pm

A nightingale flew inside my cage -
last night,
he didn’t fly away;
he knew me better than others,
and stayed.

The whole night
he sang the only song,
his voice drained.

Why? I asked,
warm palms baited with
a few wheat grains.

Come, take some,I cooed.
But my voice too shallow,
and his head too proud to lower.

I turned,
caught my own shadow,
too heavy to lift.

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星子
酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!

注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 9:50 am    发表主题:
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Comments from Penshell

Am always glad to read your progress.

There are some excellent metaphors here,
especially your heavy shadow.

May I suggest
A nightingale flew in(side) my cage -

It adds an intimate rapport between you & the bird
& has double entendre if that's what you meant.

---Alex


(A double entendre is a figure of speech similar to the pun, in which a spoken phrase can be understood in either of two ways. )

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