anna
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

发表于: 星期四 十一月 01, 2007 8:10 pm    发表主题:

Hi Anna - lovely poem!

I also read "wings" as a verb rather than as a noun, and perhaps if you were to use a dash after freedom, this would be more obvious.

I, a bird in a cage -
(my) wings toward freedom,
the golden dream.

Love the dancing dandelion image! This isn't a flower we see all that often, in this context.

I also suggest dropping "the" (life) in L10./ I think "blow away life" is a bit more dramatic. Or even "blow away my life".

The N appears to envy this new divorcee, and longs to follow her example. Yet she cannot do so. The poem strikes a chord within many of us, I believe. We do make assumptions about the freedom possessed by others - whether or not they are truly free at all. Perhaps this elegant woman's makeup conceals a face often ravaged by tears. She, herself, suggests that her life is not all that easy.

Maybe we all have our own cages.

A door with an exit,
leads to a lost garden.

Haunting image, and incredibly sad.

Brenda