Poetry Journey
星期日 九月 23, 2007 9:13 am
My Poetry Journey: Through Poetry, I Became Peaceful and Happy
In 2006, CCETV Anny interviewed me by asking me the following questions “How did you start your poetry journey? Did you write poetry in school?” (The TV link is here http://ccetv.ca/ccetvlist.php?chan=1&col=1&s=110003)
During our interview, I replied, “I studied Computer Science in Nanjing University decades ago. But I liked to read poetry. Like other students, I read poetry and dreamt about romance…”
I did write a few poems in Chinese and I made some friends who studied Chinese literature at the same University at that time. But my poems seemed too vain and meaningless. So I stopped writing poetry and I occasionally wrote prose. One of my old friends who was very good at fortunetelling told me, “You are always full of dreams and energy, you always desire places that are faraway; you are like a sailing boat untied, never to settle down.” I liked the image and I adopted the name: a boat untied. I wished to explore the world freely. Later I used “Starlet” instead.
I immigrated to Canada in June 1999 and two months later I found a professional job and still work for the same company. The first three years, I was very busy and happy with the freshness of a new life. Even more wonderful, my husband and I had our son. Soon we bought a car and a house. Everyday I was content with work and my baby.
Then one year later, after I survived many layoffs, our company began another round of layoffs. In the meantime, I encountered another difficult situation. Due to my poor English and lack of communication skills and leadership skills my career was hindered. I was stressed. I urgently wanted to improve my English. But I didn’t know how and I felt helpless. Besides we had other chores in life, sometimes I had no choice but was silent and ignored this pressing issue about improving my English skills.
One night after I read the story “The Emperor’s Clothing” to my three-year-old son. I began to think,
Why are we not like children, happy and honest? Why don’t we enjoy and appreciate life? Why do we fear to pursue our dreams?
That night after more than ten years after my first poetry writing, I had the urge to write, to express myself. And I wrote it in English since I wanted to practice it. I let my tangled feelings and my thoughts out and I felt released. I felt that I was not like a machine. I didn’t want to live to work, but work to live, and to enjoy life. I posted one poem to a Chinese forum and I got strong encouragement. Soon my desire to write grew wildly; my inspirations were like springs bubbling up.
Like a dry sponge in the clear water greedily absorbing the water, I eagerly read my inner world. I heard the calling of my heart, the melody of its songs; I touched the sparkles of aroused insights.
Each delicate slice of life or each moment had its own history, its own meaning and wisdom. A beautiful poetic world began to unveil itself before me. I indulged myself in the impulse and joy of writing; I found the fulfillment of my dream. Poetry became an enormous visual world that reflected reality; it became those echoes and spirits which I would like to leave after my time is over. I began to understand what my dream was. I knew from that time on, that my life had another hope. I want to pursue the exploration of the poetic world. I asked myself, why give up pursuing your dreams. Why keep silent? I told myself: each heart is a beautiful world, why let oneself give up and destroy Life? Everything has a possibility, but if you give up trying, you have no possibility. Allow yourself another different sky, pursue your dream, even if you become worn out, you will have no regrets because you have tried.
Emily Dickinson lived almost entirely in her hometown. She never saw the ocean, but in her poetry, she touched God, met God and saw spirits like feathers flying…Poetry gave her a wonderful and broad universe; she used her imagination and wisdom to share her unlimited enlightenment with many later generations.
If I can entry the world of poetry, even only a corner of it, conveying the enlightenment of life through my inner voice, I will be much honored.
I once made a speech titled “How can you become beautiful?”
I showed the audience two groups of my daily life photos. One group was taken one year ago and the other was taken five years ago. I asked them to guess which was the latter. They all guessed wrong. They thought the more vibrant and beautiful were taken when I was younger. They were shocked to know that five years ago, in the photos I was like an old lady. They wondered why a withered flower now seemed to be blooming. They didn’t know that after I found my passion: writing, I slowly discovered the beauty of life and myself. I remember one book that said that writing was a journey to discover oneself. Writing not only let me express myself and but it also let me look into the depth of my heart. I found a pure heart; I found strength, meaning and passion. I re-gained confidence to life and to myself, I felt peaceful and happy. All these inside changes were reflected on the outside, I became beautiful and happy. My photos and my real life with those changes surprised many of my friends. They said that I was re-born and full of passion and happiness.
Benefiting from the change and grateful for the support from both Chinese and western friends in various literal forums, I thought about setting up a new Chinese literary forum to convene many serious literature lovers together. We soon built our literary forum coviews.com and focused on exchanging ideas, encouraging each other and made friends through our common literary interests. Though we all have busy lives, we spend a lot of time pursuing our passion and building a spiritual home.
With the encouragement from friends and family, I continued to write and write; in 2005 I received the Ted Plantos memorial award and my poem "Toronto, No More Weeping" was aired on CBC Radio soon after. And I also had more than 50 poems published internationally. I have printed three chapbooks:” Jasmine Star Light", "Beyond My Knowing" and "Farewell to Sunflowers" etc.
Between passion and reality, I struggle to create a good balance. I once wrote:
Bridge
I am really tired
of coding,
that roughage
only machines can chew;
I use it
to exchange what my body wants,
yet write poems
to feed what my soul hunts.
The bridge between them
I call life.
People tell me, “You are lucky, a lot of people much older than you still cannot find their passion”. I know I am lucky and my love of poetry made a lot of changes in my life. I enjoy indulging myself in poetry which is pure and beautiful. I am grateful that my hubby always supports me and understands me. I appreciate him and all my other friends. I know how much I should cherish love, friendship, life and my passion. I live in reality and dream in poetry.
How I become beautiful
You never know
how darkness is broken through
when crisp birdcalls arouse;
How the hue of Magnolia
unwraps a dream
when spring approaches
upon the crowning hill,
stars gleam
and moonlight bathes
a little self
inside
