Gone with the Wind
星期二 六月 01, 2010 8:26 am
For long time, I secretly believed that I was like Scarlett O'Hara in the famous novel. I didn’t mean we experienced the same, I meant I had the same confusion like the dreams she dreamt. I chased a vague figure in the thick fogs without destination. And I woke up to face the reality.
Of course, I am much lucky. I have never encountered the civil wars. I have never needed to make a tough decision to exchange dignity for surviving. Survivor, the word is not for me; instead, I do feel blessed by a lucky star. But still I secretly believe I have something from her.
What is that? I don’t know it exactly. Through my writing, I start to discover a new world. I am glad that my space is not bounded any more. In my writing, yes, I could be Scarlett. I could experience a different time and space. I could stand up and face to the future. I always remember In the finale, Scarlett stands once more, resolute, before Tara.
“After all, tomorrow is another day!"
Some friends wonder why I like to daydream. In fact, I am a realistic person. But I like the beauty and pureness of our dreams. I need fancy to keep life chores from outcasting me.
I like Virginia Woolf saying, “It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality.”
It is true, I always invent a new way of living in writing, sad or happy, all the same to make my life worthy. Ideally, everyone likes to live with a different life. But we all have only one life to live. I always tell my friends, I choose the safe way to experience more. I take the reward and risk both. You may say, what risk is there, just writing? You will know if you write and find the deep and naked soul. And the freedom beyond.
Writing is so amazing that it stirs up your passion yet it also give you the peace. Once I had a good friend named peace by his name. We lost contact long ago. I wonder if he finds his peace. Of course, everyone defines peace differently. When I read Emily Dickinson’s poems,
I wonder how peaceful she has retained. Some friends told me that I would be lonely because of my unusual passion. I replied I enjoyed the solitary. My loneliness made my time not be wasted in the claimed-to-be friends of crowds. I mean I still love party and people, but don’t like waste time for any meaningless things.
One day I will go to Tibet. Though I am afraid to go there since I fear that mystery place will attract my soul and won’t let it go. For many things, I am like this, fear then retreat.
One day, I must act like Scarlett. Because everything will soon be gone with the wind.