酷我-北美枫

茜雪 · 发表于: 星期三十月 26, 2005 2:56 am 发表主题:

整体译得不错。只是这一节好像不太确切。

his hands molded pictures
like a sculptor he'd fashion
shadows in holes
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一纸素笺飘落，雪漫江南．

秋叶 · 发表于: 星期三十月 26, 2005 3:41 pm 发表主题:

不多见的好诗，翻译也妙。

每个人应该是指被雕塑的人。

星子 · 发表于: 星期三十月 26, 2005 3:57 pm 发表主题:

谢谢两位指导。。。
我再和原作者咨询一下。。
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何兆龙 · 发表于: 星期六十月 29, 2005 1:29 pm 发表主题:

几点意见，供大家参考。
一：From a hazel bough 是Earle Birney写的一首诗的诗名，翻译时最好保留。
他象叶子一样活着
飞舞鸣唱着
在一棵榛子枝上
冬天，他索性把树
移到室内

In winter, he'd simply move
the tree indoors
是要表现他文坛长青树的形象。

二：第二段有两个意象, 能否这样理解
1：burned a memory，意思是说，他的文字，以一种隐喻的手法，烧进了人们的记忆里, 烙下了永不铭灭的印记。
2：cities of parchment不是指城市， parchment是一种纸，这里指 Earle Birney的作品，cities形容其多，相当于tons of 。他的作品象焰火一样在夜空炸开，绚丽夺目。

三：第三段，他的文字栩栩如生，如雕塑一样，具有极强的表现力。洞中的阴影，这是最难捕捉也是最难把握的影象，他的文字就能达到那种境界，能把洞中的阴影表现的淋离尽致，让人叹为观止。

四：最后一段，是说他睡去了，最后一首诗就是他的毯子，遮盖了天才的陨落。

星子 · 发表于: 星期六十月 29, 2005 3:22 pm 发表主题:

Thanks 何兆龙...

This is really helpful....

Thanks a lot. really......

I will revise it soon.
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肖今 · 发表于: 星期日十月 30, 2005 2:08 pm 发表主题:

星子姐姐，精益求精，为你骄傲：）
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░░破茧成蝶眼泪，从此不咸░░

NO FOREVER , ONLY LONGER！

星子 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 22, 2005 9:02 am 发表主题:

When He Died, He Took One Last Poem With Him
(for Earle Birney)
by: I.B. Iskov
He lived his life like a leaf
dancing and singing
from a hazel bough
In winter, he'd simply move
the tree indoors.

His words etched
a million faces on paper
burned a memory
in metaphor
cities of parchment exploded
like fire crackers.

His hands molded pictures
like a sculptor he'd fashion
shadows in holes
and everyone would gasp
at their exactness.

The ritual was a myth.

He sleeps with one last poem
as a blanket to cover
the decay of genius
now and forever.

他死时，带走最后一首诗
致诗人Earle Birney
(Translated by Anna Yin)

他象叶子一样活着，
飞舞鸣唱着
在一棵榛子树上。
冬天，安详地把树，
移居室内。

他用诗句
蚀刻着百万张脸，
燃烧着的记忆
在他的比喻里。
连绵的铅印象着火的爆竹
一样爆发着，充满活力。

象一个雕塑家
他用手塑造着图像
连穴洞里的阴影也栩栩如生，
每个人都可以觉察到
他所扑捉的精确。

这样的典礼有如神话。

在最后的一首诗中
他睡去了，
就像盖着一张毛毯，
遮盖着天才的衰落，
现在和永远。

---
I.B. (Bunny) Iskov is the Founder of The Ontario Poetry Society, Ontario's only Provincial, Grass Roots, Democratic, Poetry Friendly Organization. Kindly visit www.mirror.org/tops. Bunny is also the Poetry Editor for the Outreach Connection newspaper, sold by the homeless and the unemployed in Toronto. Her work has appeared in many fine literary journals and periodicals, including QUILLS Canadian Poetry Magazine, Surface & Symbol, and Midwest Poetry Review. The poem for Earle Birney was first published by The League of Canadian Poets in their Museletter. It was subsequently published in a tribute anthology for Earle Birney, by Prism International. Bunny has several private chapbook collections and one full collection, After The Rain, published by Snowapple Press, in 2000. Bunny is married, has two children and lives in Thornhill, Ontario

I.B.(Bunny) Iskov是安大略省诗人协会的组建者，也是Outreach Connection报纸的诗歌编辑。她的诗发表在很多文学期刊和诗刊上。致Earle Birney这首诗最先发表在加拿大人诗人的MUSELETTER上，再次出版在为Earle Birney的诗选集里，有几本诗册和一本全集(雨后)2000。Bunny已婚，有两个孩子。在安大略省居住

雪泥 · 发表于: 星期二十一月 22, 2005 12:00 pm 发表主题: RE

very beautiful work
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雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选新浪连载

星子 · 发表于: 星期三十一月 23, 2005 10:44 pm 发表主题:

Thanks... yours are good too. keep on writing.
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星子 · 发表于: 星期三十一月 23, 2005 10:44 pm 发表主题:

Thanks... yours are good too. keep on writing.
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茜雪 · 发表于: 星期四十一月 24, 2005 1:48 am 发表主题:

扑捉应为捕捉？
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一纸素笺飘落，雪漫江南．

星子 · 发表于: 星期五十一月 25, 2005 10:29 am 发表主题:

you are right. Thanks
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