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Umbrella

 
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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 12, 2005 1:22 am    发表主题: Umbrella 引用并回复

Umbrella

-I just want to say thanks lot to my best friend


Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
You said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from the tears of the black clouds”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart
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秋叶[我还没有昵称]
秋叶作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2004-05-20
帖子: 1633

帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 18, 2005 6:34 am    发表主题: Re: Umbrella 引用并回复

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart.


Good poem!

I need the Umbrella too.
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broadstroke[broadstroke]
broadstroke作品集

九品县令
(一不小心,做了官儿了。)
九品县令<BR>(一不小心,做了官儿了。)


注册时间: 2005-05-17
帖子: 31

帖子发表于: 星期二 十一月 22, 2005 6:03 pm    发表主题: Umbrella 引用并回复

I like the poem. My only suggestions are: (1) reverse the words (you are) in line #3 to (are you), and correct the spelling of the word (poesy) to "poetry" in line #8.
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Blue Ice[FFFFFF]
Blue Ice作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 26, 2005 11:26 am    发表主题: Re: Umbrella 引用并回复

秋叶 写到:
Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart.


Good poem!

I need the Umbrella too.


you will get one Wink
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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 26, 2005 11:33 am    发表主题: Re: Umbrella 引用并回复

broadstroke 写到:
I like the poem. My only suggestions are: (1) reverse the words (you are) in line #3 to (are you), and correct the spelling of the word (poesy) to "poetry" in line #8.


Thank you, broadstroke. I will chang it. Could you let me know what is the difference between poesy and poetry.
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雪泥[雪泥]
雪泥作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2005-10-12
帖子: 421
来自: 西欧

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 26, 2005 12:35 pm    发表主题: Re: Umbrella 引用并回复

Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
Said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from black clouds‘ tears”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are a poem
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

O, the simple poem is a handkerchief
Wiped all of the haze from my heart

不要忘了这是诗歌,不是其它文体的写作。就跟你写中文诗一样,有拟人化的运用,是不是?文字的跳跃允许你的句式灵活多变。生硬硬地去造句好严肃的样子——放心,不用的。我在你原诗上有点改动,poetry 是复数,poesy 一般指有韵律的古体诗歌或韵文,文中你是指一首诗,那么就只能用poem
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雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载
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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 26, 2005 2:57 pm    发表主题: Re: Umbrella 引用并回复

Michelle Reisdorf 写到:
Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
Said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from black clouds‘ tears”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are a poem
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

O, the simple poem is a handkerchief
Wiped all of the haze from my heart

不要忘了这是诗歌,不是其它文体的写作。就跟你写中文诗一样,有拟人化的运用,是不是?文字的跳跃允许你的句式灵活多变。生硬硬地去造句好严肃的样子——放心,不用的。我在你原诗上有点改动,poetry 是复数,poesy 一般指有韵律的古体诗歌或韵文,文中你是指一首诗,那么就只能用poem

HI, Michelle Reisdorf
我早都被这主,谓, 宾的句式瞥的难受, 但毕竟不能象用中文那样自如的运用英文, 所以不敢轻举妄动. 谢谢你的SUGGESTION, 盼能常指导交流 Very Happy
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