酷我-北美枫

星子 · 发表于: 星期二二月 03, 2009 8:59 am 发表主题: 关于镜子

这面镜子很干净，你以为它是公正的，
并不知道它给你多半是你的正面，
别人的反面。

这面镜子很清楚，你以为它是真实的，
却不了解站远一点，你还会不会得出同样的结论。

这面镜子，你以为只有你独有，
却惊异地发现人人持有自己的一面。
这世界于是有了纷争，天下难以太平。

好不容易，你找到某个和你意气相通的，
相见恨晚，剪烛畅谈。

某个清晨，镜子还是发生了口角，
摔下来，破碎得再也不能复原。
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李拜六 · 发表于: 星期二二月 03, 2009 12:35 pm 发表主题:

站近和站远观察，得出的结论会很不一样，但是这还不是对镜子的误读。远近本身没有高下之分。孔子登泰山而小天下，天下果然就小了么？

纷争来源于误读。鸡对鸭讲，驴唇没找着马嘴，才是纷争不息的根源。

在镜子深处有火焰。博尔赫斯发现了这一点。所以他是个诗人。
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新人出也

星子 · 发表于: 星期二二月 03, 2009 12:52 pm 发表主题:

李拜六, 站近和站远观察，得出的结论会很不一样，但是这还不是对镜子的误读.

写的时候，我也想过，但不知如何去理清思路和表达。我再想想。

我一般有些不确定的会读给我的老师听，虽然他不写。但他总是
喜欢让我把道理理顺，思路理顺。。。有时就发现自己的随意性，别人并不能接受。
另一个是我的英语老师，她好象更容易理解我。

但我们见得不多，所以不能随时请教。
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疏影 · 发表于: 星期二二月 03, 2009 9:00 pm 发表主题:

星子成了哲学家了。
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疏影横斜水清浅，暗香浮动月黄昏

华轩 · 发表于: 星期三二月 04, 2009 2:14 am 发表主题:

哈哈这镜子是照妖镜

最能体现人性化的我以为是哈哈镜也即那凹凸境把很复杂的缩小简单的放大
那么一切的纷争不过一场喜剧

疏影 · 发表于: 星期三二月 04, 2009 2:56 am 发表主题:

呵呵，照妖镜的说法，太有才了。
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疏影横斜水清浅，暗香浮动月黄昏

星子 · 发表于: 星期三二月 04, 2009 10:05 am 发表主题:

这首确实太平，因为想就表达一下意思，观点。并没花时间琢磨，措词等。

谢谢各位楼主。。。以后写东西，好好写了，再贴。不过有时确实没时间，有价值才再花时间去细想。

接受批评，，另写了一首英文的。（还没时间翻译和细改）

The Mirror's Request

I ask you to sit in front of me,
and look at me.
Look on the surface of me.
Do you think I am you?
No, I am just your flat image.

I faithfully present what you can see –
what you want to see:
pretty face and neat hair ...
spots and wrinkles ?
No problem.
There are always ways to make up.
That is what you come for.

Yes. You depend on me.
You come to me
to reassure your existence.

We become friends.

But inside me, I am all fires.
What I can see tortures me:
The depth of your hate,
The roots of your anger,
The cells of your fear,
The veins of your sadness...
all that you cannot see,
and I cannot advise.
I cannot.

Now, you want to blame me for that, not telling you the truth?
No. It is not my fault. It isn’t.
I remember the lesson of scars across my heart.
Once I innocently showed you the truth, remember?
Then what happened to me?
Shattered into pieces.
From that point, I never trust you.

I decide not to trust you.

So for now,
Sit down,
Look at me, look at a cold face.
Don't look hard,
Don't look inner.

We are still friends.
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星子 · 发表于: 星期三二月 04, 2009 3:30 pm 发表主题:

更希望大家评一下英文的。中文的那个太差，不花时间了...
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华轩 · 发表于: 星期四二月 05, 2009 12:33 am 发表主题:

英文这个还是没写好依然在字面上打转

要出新体裁我有一种想象

关于镜子它能析出的不仅仅独坐的内心感受一首诗需要哪些内容
看到皱纹你可把起伏的线状作弦一柱一弦拨响生活的乐章
也可以放大它来看
是动荡的山川或河流或足迹或漂流把历史从皱纹里找出来如此皱纹便不是皱纹而是生命的意象

最为喜人的莫过于在脸上发现久违的痘痘赶紧揣好也许它只是土豆但也许是万年灵芝的种子总先想办法让它发芽

当然也许你正烦恼着为脸上的无内容不要紧还有鼻子可发挥一道挺拔的山梁或者干脆是珠穆朗玛峰那时正是思索的开始嘴唇了一辈子为什么总登不上一寸之高够哲啦

总之镜子是不动的思考是活的看到的总是表面看不到的才是素材创造从发现到挖掘开始 Razz

疏影 · 发表于: 星期四二月 05, 2009 12:48 am 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期四二月 05, 2009 8:57 am 发表主题:

其实我在其他英文论坛公开问 is good or bad.

现贴两个回贴。

1) Annayin,

A contemplative poem.

Very clever of you to let the mirror do all the talking.

Your poem has Szymborska like flavor.

After some minor editing, I think, the poem is fit for the print media.

I like most of your poems. Unique subject matters. Very thoughtful.

2)I found it interesting, that is all. It may be clever. I can't answer if it is good, it is not bad, did I enjoy reading it? No, not particulary. If I had to read it again that would be a chore for me, since you ask. I am not trying to be unkind, it's not something I can get excited about. There is nothing in the form to attract me, very few poetic elements are used, I was studying the list yesterday:

you did use APOSTROPHE and PERSONIFICATIOn to good effect, although it is hard for me to relate to a mirror that feels anger and all the other human enotions. In fact I think that killed it for me. I never was intriqued by Alice in Wonderland' type themes and the ridiculous. I just can't get worked up about 'robot teddybears that have been discarded' type themes. Or whether a mirror has withheld its trust. Its not a concept that interests me, at the end of the day it just a poem about projecting human emotions onto an inanimate object.

When you say 'I remember the lesson of scars across my heart' did you mean to say: 'lesions and scars'?

It may have illictated some relevance as I now rememebr looking in the mirror the other day and saying to myself, Is that me, I don't like the look of him, could I trust him? looks can be decieving.

If my whole reply seems negative please allow I am not formally taught in modern OPEN poetry.

I am sorry if my reply is not constructive, but you did ask...good/bad.

regards

Ieuan ap Hywel
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星子 · 发表于: 星期四二月 05, 2009 9:05 am 发表主题:

对我而言，写对话一直是我的弱项。以前试着写，总觉得不真实。这次写时就感觉真的在对话。我想这个镜子也是人际关系的一种现象,或一个人外在和内在的矛盾。。。有时人们太真实了，反而做不了朋友。

我以前写的诗总有脱离生活的感觉，诗意世界。所以这首一气写下来，对我自己来说也是突破。

对于华轩的建议，我再想想，我也会再贴一下（下星期，我们诗歌班的看法）
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艺芳 · 发表于: 星期五二月 06, 2009 9:27 am 发表主题:

给星子拜个晚年。

星子的诗，也要改路子了？ Rolling Eyes

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风来意在疏竹，雁过了无痕迹！

星子 · 发表于: 星期五二月 06, 2009 11:29 am 发表主题:

谢谢艺芳。。。一直写，有时就想改变.
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高梁 · 发表于: 星期五二月 06, 2009 11:59 am 发表主题:

这首确实太平？挖出了新意啊。只是感觉末两节平了点。前两节在独特的思考中充满了哲思。
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我知道尘土的含义我只要内在的洁白