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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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 发表于: 星期四 九月 25, 2008 11:16 pm 发表主题: |
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等 待
何君华
像一个少女
静立在绿色的邮筒旁
像蜘蛛 粘在时间的网中
像春天的种子
躲在厚厚的积雪中
像我
望着你出现的巷口
久久不转动眼眸
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103
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| 发表于: 星期五 九月 26, 2008 2:39 pm 发表主题: Re: The Nineteenth Year |
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| Champagne 写到: |
| ericcoliu 写到: |
This poem sprang from my re-working of the imagery employed in He Junhua’s Waiting and my reflection on Ha Jin’s award-winning novel of the same title, a love story in which Lin Kong, a Chinese doctor at an army hospital, has been waiting to divorce his wife Shuyu and marry his girlfriend Manna Wu for eighteen years. |
You wrote a poem with a different title, one which makes intertextual references to Ha Jin's and He Junhua's poems sharing the same title.
Three emotionally-charged adjectives.
Who is she in the poem? Shuyu or Manna? |
Ericcoliu's choice of the different title, a change from "young girl" to "young newlywed,' and a shift in POV complicate the question regarding who she is.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期日 九月 28, 2008 8:06 am 发表主题: Re: The Nineteenth Year |
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| Champagne 写到: |
You wrote a poem with a different title, one which makes intertextual references to Ha Jin's and He Junhua's poems sharing the same title.
Three emotionally-charged images.
Who is she in the poem? Shuyu or Manna? |
| hahaview 写到: |
Ericcoliu's choice of the different title, a change from "young girl" to "young newlywed,' and a shift in POV complicate the question regarding who she is. |
A discerning eye for my poem.
If read in the context of Ha Jin's Waiting, my poem is intended to answer Manna's scolding statement: "In fact you waited eighteen years just for the sake of waiting" (p. 294). Is this a moment of real insight in the novel, devastating as it is?
My personal attitude toward reading is that:
every reading, for me, is a struggle between what I want to make of the poem and what the poem wants to make of me. When a poem or any other literary work is successful, it is because it makes us “better” – it stimulates an experience which makes us more interesting, more nuanced, more multi-faceted, and more flexible.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期日 九月 28, 2008 12:11 pm 发表主题: Re: The Nineteenth Year |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
If read in the context of Ha Jin's Waiting, my poem is intended to answer Manna's scolding statement: "In fact you waited eighteen years just for the sake of waiting" (p. 294). Is this a moment of real insight in the novel, devastating as it is?
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A poignant statement.
| ericcoliu 写到: |
with fixed attention
she is looking intently at the street corner
where he is supposed to emerge
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IMHO, "she's been looking at the street corner" would be better. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期日 九月 28, 2008 7:29 pm 发表主题: Re: The Nineteenth Year |
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| christine 写到: |
IMHO, "she's been looking at the street corner" would be better. |
Thank for your close reading and helpful suggestion.
I've revised my poem and added another version of it.
The following are the replies from my fellow poets on Wild Poetry Forum:
Dear CHEN-ou-Liu,
The similies are quite
thoughtful in your poem, a good read.
-- Radhamani sarma
Chen,
I like the similes you have strung together in this poem. They fit together beautifully.
-- Ann Metlay
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期一 九月 29, 2008 9:43 am 发表主题: |
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The following is the reply my friend, Emusing, published poet and editior of Word Walker Press, Moonday Poetry, and Kyoto Journal:
Chen-ou this is a breath of time and wisdom. I love its compact size and religious overtone. Just my cup of chai.
You notice that I omitted the line "with fixed attention"
I don't believe it is needed because your title sets the reader up for a lifetime of waiting. If you want to say the narrator's attention is fixed you might find words that are gentler than those chosen.
I responded to your response waaaay below in the original thread of Simple. Not sure if you've seen it.
Thinking on that last line,
where He is supposed to emerge
maybe:
I’ve been waiting at the end of the road
for Him to emerge
But then you would have to change the title...
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214
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| 发表于: 星期一 九月 29, 2008 12:25 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
You notice that I omitted the line "with fixed attention"[/b]I don't believe it is needed because your title sets the reader up for a lifetime of waiting[/b]. If you want to say the narrator's attention is fixed you might find words that are gentler than those chosen.
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A good point.
| ericcoliu 写到: |
with fixed attention
I’ve been looking at the end of the road
where He is supposed to emerge
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He or he?
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期二 九月 30, 2008 7:00 am 发表主题: |
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| dundas 写到: |
| Emusing 写到: |
You notice that I omitted the line "with fixed attention"[/b]I don't believe it is needed because your title sets the reader up for a lifetime of waiting[/b]. If you want to say the narrator's attention is fixed you might find words that are gentler than those chosen.
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A good point. |
I've revised the title of version II.
| dundas 写到: |
with fixed attention
I’ve been looking at the end of the road
where He is supposed to emerge
He or he? |
I use the capitalized He to indicate there is a religious theme with a secular overture in my poem.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期四 十月 09, 2008 9:09 am 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
I use the capitalized He to indicate there is a religious theme with a secular overture in my poem. |
Does this mean the end of human striving and the beginning of divine intervention? |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 十月 10, 2008 11:09 pm 发表主题: |
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| christine 写到: | | ericcoliu 写到: |
I use the capitalized He to indicate there is a religious theme with a secular overture in my poem. |
Does this mean the end of human striving and the beginning of divine intervention? |
| christine 写到: |
Does this mean the end of human striving? |
YES.
| christine 写到: |
Does this mean the beginning of divine intervention? |
Not necessarily. It's because the key phrase in the following lines is "supposed to emerge:"
| ericcoliu 写到: |
with fixed attention
I’ve been looking at the end of the road
where He is supposed to emerge
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_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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