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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 十二月 21, 2005 2:59 pm 发表主题: Early Spring |
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When snow quilts the valley,
unknowing sounds trickle beneath;
A frail stream and a few flapping ducklings.
In the blue twilight,
ahead of dawn,
cuckoos anxiously
awake the hibernating meadow.
"Ku-ku", "chi- chi"
with the soft melody,
my footprints crunch
to follow bushes stretching.
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期日 三月 02, 2008 8:56 pm, 总计第 6 次编辑 |
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秋叶[我还没有昵称] 秋叶作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2004-05-20 帖子: 1633
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发表于: 星期四 十二月 22, 2005 7:00 pm 发表主题: |
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星子好诗,凄美的意境。 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期日 十二月 25, 2005 11:59 am 发表主题: |
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Thanks a lot. _________________
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雪泥[雪泥] 雪泥作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2005-10-12 帖子: 421 来自: 西欧
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发表于: 星期一 十二月 26, 2005 12:04 pm 发表主题: Re: Early Spring |
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a beautiful early spring painting,perhaps you should revise this line
'in the blue twilight', I think the adj.'blue' is not going well with 'twilight'. _________________ 雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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李拜六[里太白夜访肚子美] 李拜六作品集 二品总督总管 (回首人生,前途在望)
注册时间: 2007-08-13 帖子: 3217
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发表于: 星期一 三月 03, 2008 4:11 am 发表主题: |
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星子, 读过了。 _________________ 新人出也 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期一 三月 03, 2008 11:20 am 发表主题: |
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谢谢了.
我认为批评和交流是双刃剑. 这首我自己并不满意,但也懒于修改.
以往有几首被批得狠, 反而不断有动力改...效果很好.
不过有过几首,改得面目全非,反而失去灵性. 所以一切都在权衡之间以及开放的态度. _________________
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期一 三月 03, 2008 1:35 pm 发表主题: Re: Early Spring |
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星子 写到: |
When snow quilts the valley,
unknowing sounds trickle beneath;
A frail stream and a few flapping ducklings.
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I like the use of "quilt" in S1 the most; however, the background picture isn't resonant with the image evoked by your poem. It looks like "the snow blanket." (sorry, too picky)
FRI: Snow quilt:
http://www.hightechlegion.com/greg/47/pages/snow%20quilt.htm _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期日 三月 09, 2008 10:12 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Dundas,
I know it. You are not picky. Thanks for comments.
I first wrote the poem and then my friend ZhaoNing suggested we may be work together to combine poem and painting. So I tried to fit it in . . . ( ) _________________
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期一 三月 10, 2008 10:46 am 发表主题: Re: Early Spring |
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星子 写到: |
Early Spring
When snow quilts the valley,
unknowing sounds trickle beneath;
A frail stream and a few flapping ducklings.
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Months away from Early Spring.
I envy your 'mind of winter."
"One must have a mind of winter/...For the listener, who listens in the snow" _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 三月 11, 2008 8:41 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Eric,
Thanks.
Sometimes being alone means having time for meditation. _________________
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