酷我-北美枫

[星子]

A few days ago a friend of mine called me, I immediately confirmed my instinct. It was sad to know another couple going through the process of divorce. I felt sorry for them. I could understand how hard it was. I asked her if she made her final decision. She said yes. All the three years, since her husband worked outside of Ontario, she mainly raised their son up alone. She said in her life now with him or without him didn’t matter any more. She was a very dedicated and elegant girl before, she told me those three years she seldom contacted friends or joined in parties. Now she felt she needed to live a new life. She wanted to have her own taste of life. I agreed. I remember three years ago when Jack and I visited their new house, how beautiful and comfortable their house was. I felt happy for her since they seemed very matching. But two years ago when we were invited back, I could sense how tired she was and I spotted much mess in her house. Life was a ruthless grind tolling the beauty and grace into pieces. It alerted me but with the understanding of each family has its own way and own trouble to deal with. So I didn’t give it another thought. Now thinking back, I understand deeply each of us must first be oneself then be a wife, a mother and so on. Suppress one’s self is not healthy and eventually one would suffers from DEPRESSION. Many immigrants after a few years struggled in life and finally settle down, but they slowly slide into depression. Because of insecurity of future and tiredness of life, married couples always are too easy to go their extreme way to fight. Each fight brings another unsolved pain, eventually their marriage crashed. Sometimes I discussed that problem with my western friend Sue; she suggested finding family or marriage consultants. She said they saved her marriage. But most of Chinese couples are shy to talk their issues to others.

I tried once since our company insurance policy covered the fee and for me I would like to experience new thing and see how it worked. The consultant mainly listened to me and She never judge on who was right or wrong. She told me the consultant mainly worked as a tunnel for the couple to find their way to out the dark. Sometimes it is really nice to have someone listen to you. Without fear and worry, you put down all thoughts and just talk. During the process, you found you calm down a lot and you found many more important things in life should focus on and both of you should work together for that, not wrestled energy and emotion to break yourself. When I was back in China, I asked my close friends the ratio of divorces there. They told me very high. But more couples stay together just as a matter of form but no true meaning of marriage. I asked Yun about himself. He said he was not a good man but not a bad man too. It seems most Chinese marriage issues in Canada are more simple, but much complicated back in China. Most in Canada are due to too less love since one side or both sides devoted too much into financial issue or work. Most in China may be due to the many temptations which fast money and improper life style bring.
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[[ANNA]]

A few days ago a friend of mine called me, I immediately confirmed my instinct. It was sad to know another couple going through the process of divorce. I felt sorry for them. I could understand how hard it was. I asked her if she made her final decision. She said yes. All the three years, since her husband worked outside of Ontario, she mainly raised their son up alone. She said in her life now with him or without him didn’t matter any more. She was a very dedicated and elegant girl before, she told me those three years she seldom contacted friends or joined in parties. Now she felt she needed to live a new life. She wanted to have her own taste of life. I agreed. I remember three years ago when Jack and I visited their new house, how beautiful and comfortable their house was. I felt happy for her since they seemed very matching. But two years ago when we were invited back, I could sense how tired she was and I spotted much mess in her house. Life was a ruthless grind tolling the beauty and grace into pieces. It alerted me but with the understanding of each family has its own way and own trouble to deal with. So I didn’t give it another thought. Now thinking back, I understand deeply each of us must first be oneself then be a wife, a mother and so on. Suppress one’s self is not healthy and eventually one would suffers from DEPRESSION. Many immigrants after a few years struggled in life and finally settle down, but they slowly slide into depression. Because of insecurity of future and tiredness of life, married couples always are too easy to go their extreme way to fight. Each fight brings another unsolved pain, eventually their marriage crashed. Sometimes I discussed that problem with my western friend Sue; she suggested finding family or marriage consultants. She said they saved her marriage. But most of Chinese couples are shy to talk their issues to others.

I tried once since our company insurance policy covered the fee and for me I would like to experience new thing and see how it worked. The consultant mainly listened to me and She never judge on who was right or wrong. She told me the consultant mainly worked as a tunnel for the couple to find their way to out the dark. Sometimes it is really nice to have someone listen to you. Without fear and worry, you put down all thoughts and just talk. During the process, you found you calm down a lot and you found many more important things in life should focus on and both of you should work together for that, not wrestled energy and emotion to break yourself. When I was back in China, I asked my close friends the ratio of divorces there. They told me very high. But more couples stay together just as a matter of form but no true meaning of marriage. I asked Yun about himself. He said he was not a good man but not a bad man too. It seems most Chinese marriage issues in Canada are more simple, but much complicated back in China. Most in Canada are due to too less love since one side or both sides devoted too much into financial issue or work. Most in China may be due to the many temptations which fast money and improper life style bring.
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