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Tanka Third Place in San Francisco International Competition
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 8:11 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

robarts 写到:


As for ericcoliu's tanka, in my humble opinion, tanka I is too abstract, in which you try too hard to pack so many unresolved feelings into a few words.

I like tanka III the most.


Thanks for your discerning eye and sharp mind.

I think you're right. Writing a short verse form like tanka to successfully capture the "moment of being" is very challenging and demanding. I have great difficulty describing the sense of displacement in the first two lines.

The following is my new take:

sleep in Taipei
but wake up in Ajax --
my mind is winged
by yearnings for
things not yet lost

Tell me what you think about my revision.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 8:14 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

putting side by side with your poems, I get a funny feeling hers is even better


no doubt about it
the stuffed pie
I alone made--

tastes the best
in the whole wide world

i think i can write 1 million per day
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 8:19 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

but then again
i need to be careful
not to write them
though sometimes
accidentally difficult
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 8:27 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

sleep in Ajax
but wake up in Taipei--
my mind is winged
by yearnings
for things yet lost

i mean, be creative even this, get a lift will you
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 10:08 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

博弈 写到:


To practice angry poetry is to let the fingers do the
Good while risking being wronged. There are innocent,
Such, heads claim to be poets yet yelling me a failed poet;
“What do they know about poetry anyway”, you said,
I laughed for they must have thought I had been a poet.
I can see holes in his mouth, and thinking:
do I want to save his breath before his teeth drag
his tongue-cuts out?

And they think they deserve an F word easily.
F is for flowers, grow upwards with a root in mother soils.
What do they know about F, anyway, fuck says.

Well, almost amusing, but not quite yet.



Eric: What do you mean by a failed poet in your tanka:

Eric: A prose "writer" gets tired of writing prose, and wants to be a "poet". So he begins every line with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期一 四月 13, 2009 10:24 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 10:11 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

博弈 写到:


no doubt about it
the stuffed pie
I alone made--

tastes the best
in the whole wide world

i think i can write 1 million per day



I have no slightest doubt about the number you just claimed.

A tanka is just a five-line poem. Right?

You can submit your tanka a million times, and you get none of them published.

Before I submitted my first tanka, I'd read more than 10 books and a thousand tanka.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期二 四月 14, 2009 6:56 am, 总计第 2 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 13, 2009 10:21 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

博弈 写到:


F is for flowers, grow upwards with a root in mother soils.


Cliché! You read too much of your little red book.

robarts 写到:


博弈 写到:


for a Chinese ethnic poet, why promote that new found "American Tankii"
as if it is something really reborn and worth while
, can't you be
more creative without them?


A nationalist view of poetry!



Robarts, Thanks for your discerning eye for Professor 博弈's poem.

You see he just

博弈 写到:


can't help it!


博弈 写到:


all I see here is a simple
play of copy act,



Yes, this time I admit what you see is a "simple play of copy act".

By the way, Professor 博弈, this technique is called deconstructivist criticism.


By the way (repetition, I know this. But I love this phrase), you can’t find its definition in your Chinese-English Dictionary. Please get yourself enrolled in a two-semester graduate course in postmodernism, and then you will know what it really means and how it works.

博弈 写到:



i think i can write 1 million per day


Sure, if you don't get fluncked.


Now, back to our topic:

博弈 写到:


F is for flowers, grow upwards with a root in mother soils.


In my humble opinion, the following poem is less cliched than yours in terms of picturing the F word:

Under the Same Sun

Falling petal
swirls about the garden
a butterfly

The sky points
over crimson maples
southbound geese

Time drifts
in and out the window
dusk


By the way, Under the Same Sun is currently under consideration for publication.

I know I’m a snob.


Virginia Woolf, a self-acknowledged snob, wrote, "The essence of snobbery is that you wish to impress other people."

Sorry I forgot you don’t read books (because they are written by snobbery idiots) except the little red book. How could you know Woolf?
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco

帖子发表于: 星期二 四月 14, 2009 12:15 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

No need to quote your silly little poems
or make assumption about who I am or
if I read books or not, that is just silly.
Don't talk about Virginia Woolf here, you
need to read more (wonder if that will
work for you, some read a lot but...),
I read your posts already, know where
have been and are. Trust me.
I am not here to discuss me, not about me.

You might wonder why I target you, why Eric?
Eric is just a name, a type, who enjoys poems
published by some magazines/journal, a poet title
(btw, what is a poet to say about this). My points
very clear:
1. American Tanka or Canadian Tanke per se
is not worthwhile as a new found movement with such
more than necessary promotion, not even for
English literature itself (ask your professors); there are interest groups,
one even in my state, to be serious,
you better study Japanese and find a footing for morae based poetics
and find equivalent over to a 2nd language, not just claim 'spirit' ,
(have you carefully studied Japanese?) but then again, why bother?
If any or your journal editor friends want to debate, I'll be glad to.
2. Poets don't copy even the slightest resemblance in ideas whenever possible within knowledge.
Poet is not some thing you call/give to yourself, better be from readers to you.
3. A moderator is here to promote poetry and others (tanka maybe one of them)
like a magazine would, not self. Let me see, just here in this page,
I see Eric got 7 roses out of 9, is Eric that good? We know not so
(even his poems are ok in general), so why no one speaks out?
I flip to the 2nd page, O, I see why no body comes here to post.

This is not my business as I was just stopping by, for spring break's sake,
give you my 2 cents and for Eric, keep what I wrote
, that will be more than 10 books you have read.

you can't even take my blow in a meaningful
understanding and/or discussion with a little bit
of zen spirit. I can know how you react when
I type, that makes me feel not worthwhile my time.
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 四月 14, 2009 4:23 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi! 博弈:

Where have All The Flowers Gone sung by Joan Baez

I kind of miss your flower “prose poem,” in which you successfully capture the honi (I suppose you know the cultural connotation of this Japanese word) of a Chinese nationalist view of “poetry”. Now, you become a prose writer.

博弈 写到:


American Tanka or Canadian Tanke per se
is not worthwhile as a new found movement with such
more than necessary promotion, not even for
English literature itself


If any or your journal editor friends want to debate, I'll be glad to.


Before debating with anyone, would you mind showing me your expert knowledge in tanka? Write an informal essay on a contextualized understanding of modern English tanka just like I did months ago when I debated with Lake who loves to give our poets here advices about how to write haiku and tanka, and who has no slightest idea about the histo-cultural contexts of haiku.

Below are my two informal essays (You see, I’m so kind that I plead with you to only write one essay; by the way, due to my debate with Lake, I’d read your technical report on haiku):


1 Debunking the “Haiku” Myth

2 From Text to Context: A New Reading of Basho’s Frog Haiku

Although imperfect, these two essays at least can show you something about me:

I’m not a guy like:

a mouth
opening, closing
salivating --
my recollection
of a fake expert (,who loves to give people so-called good advices)

Sincerely,

Eric

PS: Like Lake, you haven’t answered any of my questions. And if you really care about what has been going on here, you should ask the other two (or three, sometimes four) moderators.

No essay! No more talk! I’m not interested in wasting my precious time (which is mainly spent being in bed with my professors, such as Plato, Woolf, Paz, Heidegger…, sorry, I’m promiscuous) to talk with a fake expert.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期二 四月 14, 2009 9:27 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期二 四月 14, 2009 7:30 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Eric: What do you mean by a failed poet in your tanka:

Eric: A prose "writer" gets tired of writing prose, and wants to be a "poet". So he begins every line with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose.


A good piece of a dramatic monologue.

This guy has no slightest idea about what you're trying to say because there is no dialogue between both of you.

How could he possibly know anything about such a delicate verse form, tanka?

ericcoliu 写到:
Hi! 博弈:

Where have All The Flowers Gone sung by Joan Baez

I kind of miss your flower “prose poem,” in which you successfully capture the honi (I suppose you know the cultural connotation of this Japanese word) of a Chinese nationalist view of “poetry”. Now, you become a prose writer.



LOL!

ericcoliu 写到:



No essay! No more talk! I’m not interested in wasting my precious time (which is mainly spent being in bed with my professors, such as Plato, Woolf, Paz, Heidegger…, sorry, I’m promiscuous) to talk with a fake expert.


Hi! Eric:

Don't waste your time on this talker, not doer.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期三 四月 15, 2009 10:24 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:


Hi! Eric:

Don't waste your time on this talker, not doer.



Yes, another deserter retreating to do

博弈 写到:


masturbating themselves in a 5 by 7 room



It's because they have “resolved the issue” -- that’s what is on their Zen mind.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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川生[川生]
川生作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期一 四月 27, 2009 12:28 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:



I think you're right. Writing a short verse form like tanka to successfully capture the "moment of being" is very challenging and demanding. I have great difficulty describing the sense of displacement in the first two lines.

The following is my new take:

sleep in Taipei
but wake up in Ajax --
my mind is winged
by yearnings for
things not yet lost

Tell me what you think about my revision.



I like you revision, which is situated in an emotionally charged state of mind.

浴恩福 写到:


ericcoliu 写到:


Eric: What do you mean by a failed poet in your tanka:

Eric: A prose "writer" gets tired of writing prose, and wants to be a "poet". So he begins every line with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose.


A good piece of a dramatic monologue.

This guy has no slightest idea about what you're trying to say because there is no dialogue between both of you.

How could he possibly know anything about such a delicate verse form, tanka?



I second 浴恩福!
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 二月 07, 2010 5:59 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

博弈 写到:


No need to quote your silly little poems


My tanka:

the shining moon
that used to perch
on my childhood dreams
now hovers over
a rooming house


has received third place in the 2009 San Francisco International Haiku, Senryu, Tanka, and Rengay Competition sponsored by Haiku Poets of Northern California, and it will also be published in Mariposa.

The contest results have been posted at http://www.hpnc.org/

You can read the winning poems and judges’ comments there.

This award is my rebuttal to those criticisms made by Lake, 博弈, and others.

Many thanks to my readers!


Chen-ou Liu
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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