酷我-北美枫

[钟磊0502]

问候星子,李拜六说得也有些道理.无论是环保命题还是思想命题或是生活命题,你走在覆盖传统的脚印上.这首小诗仅仅是对生活经验的粘合,由本土的"禅"来言说,显得超然,没有生命的疼感,只是一种敏感.

[[钟磊]]

问候星子,李拜六说得也有些道理.无论是环保命题还是思想命题或是生活命题,你走在覆盖传统的脚印上.这首小诗仅仅是对生活经验的粘合,由本土的"禅"来言说,显得超然,没有生命的疼感,只是一种敏感.

[下雨的樟树]

上来看看星子
_________________
http://miaoyong.poco.cn/

[[下雨的樟树]]

上来看看星子
_________________
http://miaoyong.poco.cn/

[星子]

谢谢钟磊...

谢谢下雨的樟树

贴一下西人朋友的看法.

This is good Anna. Three suggestions: The title is just too mundane, I would change it, perhaps "to a Far Orchard" would be good. I think the last verse should either be moved to the middle or dropped. It is does not supply the flouriwh that you want at the end. The last line in the second verse does. I suggest it be changed though:

Before decay,
they are meant to nourish a garden.

This brings intention away from the waste itself.

Don
_________________

[[ANNA]]

谢谢钟磊...

谢谢下雨的樟树

贴一下西人朋友的看法.

This is good Anna. Three suggestions: The title is just too mundane, I would change it, perhaps "to a Far Orchard" would be good. I think the last verse should either be moved to the middle or dropped. It is does not supply the flouriwh that you want at the end. The last line in the second verse does. I suggest it be changed though:

Before decay,
they are meant to nourish a garden.

This brings intention away from the waste itself.

Don
_________________