酷我-北美枫

叶霜

In the late light
bare feet find the river-path
where every meadow-rock glimmers
with the secret power of this night,
shadow-play of fairies in singing trees
catching the moment
when all things converge
into light-auraed union
before each must disperse into dark.
There is a mystery here
that slides away un-named
unless you brush the wings
that shadow water

仲夏前夕 (translated by Ye Shuang)

向晚的阳光里
赤脚打河边走过
草原石子散发
夜色魅力闪闪烁烁
欢乐树演绎皮影童话
当趁万物汇聚
流光溢彩
未被黑暗吞没
神秘滑向无名
唯有拂开
水月镜花
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舟山，魂牵梦萦的故乡……

星子 · 发表于: 星期三五月 31, 2006 11:22 am 发表主题:

谢谢小霜。。。。

进展如何呢? 什么时候知道结果?
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和平岛 · 发表于: 星期三五月 31, 2006 11:27 am 发表主题:

good

that shadow the water
?

叶霜 · 发表于: 星期三五月 31, 2006 11:53 am 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期三五月 31, 2006 12:19 pm 发表主题:

叶霜 · 发表于: 星期四六月 01, 2006 3:15 am 发表主题:

叶霜 · 发表于: 星期四六月 01, 2006 3:16 am 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期六六月 03, 2006 4:31 pm 发表主题:

草原石子散发
夜色魅力闪闪烁烁

---草原石子闪烁
夜色魅力散射? 如何?

趁万物汇聚
流光溢彩
未被黑暗吞没前，
欢乐树。。。。 (倒一下序如何)

unless you brush the wings
that shadow water

----These lines I will email the poet to ask what exactly to say?

Thanks a lot.
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星子 · 发表于: 星期六六月 03, 2006 4:40 pm 发表主题:

Katherine L. Gordon is the National Coordinator for the
Canadian Poetry Association. She lives to write in a secluded river valley
in Ontario. She has several books,
articles and essays and is an award winning poet who works to promote poetry
as a vital part of all cultures. Her work is published internationally.
Poetry is the link that unites us.
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叶霜 · 发表于: 星期日六月 04, 2006 6:57 am 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期日六月 04, 2006 4:58 pm 发表主题:

小霜, I got Katherine email for my question:

-----

not easy I know dear Anna, but I will try:
When the light is at its longest and strongest, humans, from the beginning
of awareness in cave days, have feared the darkness that follows, sensed the
power in light, and wished to keep that power with them as a kind of
immortality. The poem suggests that we must look to spheres beyond earth to
stay with the light, for this is a plane where darkness and light must
always fight.
Ask anything more that might help, thanks for your interest. Yours in
poetry, Katherine L. Gordon.
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非马 · 发表于: 星期四六月 08, 2006 10:08 am 发表主题:

小霜，星子好！

一首相当有趣的诗。不过我想，诗人写诗，每一个词句甚至字与字之间的断与连，都有他的目的与意图，所以我一向主张尽可能直译，以便保持原作的意义与韵味。比如这诗里的“singing trees", 译成“欢乐树”当然也没什么不对，但我初读时还以为是一种树名(如“合欢树”)，不如直接译成“歌唱的树”来得妥切。而最后的unless you brush the wings /that shadow water 译成“除非你轻拂那些影蔽水面的/翅膀”，让读者自己去咀嚼领会原诗的诗意，可能会更好。

一点意见，提供参考。祝愉快！

非马 · 发表于: 星期四六月 08, 2006 10:16 am 发表主题:

[quote="叶霜"]

星子 · 发表于: 星期四六月 08, 2006 1:51 pm 发表主题:

非常感谢非马老师的指导。

我们很需要这样的交流。

请继续支持！

谢谢！
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星子 · 发表于: 星期五六月 16, 2006 3:58 pm 发表主题:

请再稍做改动----尤其结尾
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