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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期日 五月 07, 2006 6:34 pm 发表主题: Untitled |
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In this small lily pond,
Like a floating moon, I watch you
Over gleaming water;
Vines of mystery curl down,
Each longs for a destination,
Yellow petals shiver and echo from the
Oliver ocean to our
Ultimate heaven. _________________
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期四 五月 18, 2006 4:22 pm, 总计第 3 次编辑 |
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和平岛[我还没有昵称] 和平岛作品集 一品翰林院大学士 (酷我!I made it!)
注册时间: 2004-05-16 帖子: 5614 来自: Victoria
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发表于: 星期日 五月 07, 2006 6:49 pm 发表主题: |
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spelling: curl
很美的小意境 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期日 五月 07, 2006 6:52 pm 发表主题: |
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_________________
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雪泥[雪泥] 雪泥作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2005-10-12 帖子: 421 来自: 西欧
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发表于: 星期一 五月 08, 2006 12:12 am 发表主题: Re: Untitled |
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星子 写到: | In this small lily pond,
Like a floating moon, I watch you
Over spotted shadow;
Vines of mysteries curl down,
Each longs for a destination,
Yellow petals shiver and echo from the
Oliver ocean to our
Utmost heaven. |
in the second line ,do you mean 'you are like a floating moon?'or
the flower is like a floating moon?
in the third line , should be ' in the spotted shadow'
in the fourth line 'vines of mysteries' should be ' vines of mystery'
Frankly speaking, this one needs a drastic revision. _________________ 雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期一 五月 08, 2006 12:21 pm 发表主题: |
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in the second line ,do you mean 'you are like a floating moon?'or
the flower is like a floating moon?
in the third line , should be ' in the spotted shadow'
in the fourth line 'vines of mysteries' should be ' vines of mystery'
这首诗其实是 想到了 一句话, 也就是 标题。。。(其实是有标题的) 才写的。
I mean I am like a moon, watch you over the spotted shadow... I don't use "in the shadow"
should be ' vines of mystery' ... yes.
What did this exactly write... I would not tell anyone. ^ ^
Thanks for suggestion. _________________
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期一 五月 08, 2006 3:21 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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雪泥[雪泥] 雪泥作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2005-10-12 帖子: 421 来自: 西欧
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发表于: 星期一 五月 08, 2006 1:42 pm 发表主题: |
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I think some of us can understand what you exactly wanted to deliver. _________________ 雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期一 五月 08, 2006 3:21 pm 发表主题: |
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_________________
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