酷我-北美枫

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期一十二月 26, 2005 10:07 pm 发表主题: The Old Moon

Last quarter moon is like a scythe
reaping the stars,
that were once my dream,
scattered in the sky.

The poetry
which were once my spirit
but today, just for a piece of bread,
I have to quit.
I cannot hold the glitter,
it breaks in the water.

The moon
incised silent lake
who knows about that bluish pain?

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期一十二月 26, 2005 10:15 pm 发表主题:

这首诗贴到西人网站后有几位诗人特别强调这段很感人
The moon
incised silent lake
who knows about that bluish pain?

但有一位诗人建议改成以下句子, 我觉得也很喜欢, 一并贴来, 听听朋友们的

the moon cuts into the lake like a knife into my heart
who knows about that bluish pain?

bananiya · 举人 （中举啦，狂喜中！） 注册时间: 2005-12-26 帖子: 5

和各位比起来，我还是写我的儿歌吧

星子 · 发表于: 星期二十二月 27, 2005 12:14 am 发表主题:

The second verse is a little leaping...

too sudden to change the view...
_________________

秋叶 · 发表于: 星期二十二月 27, 2005 4:45 am 发表主题:

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期二十二月 27, 2005 1:39 pm 发表主题: Re: 写的真好

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期二十二月 27, 2005 1:42 pm 发表主题:

谢谢星星和秋斑. 多交流