酷我-北美枫

星子 · 酷我！I made it！ 注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto

What the hell did he go there,
knowing the risks and the dangers?
We queried Jim and bounced to
an answer we hardly believed.

As the guy listened to his heart,
and was willing to bleed for others' peace
and our deaf;
we never asked the same question
to a soldier
when he farewelled his family
and his own country,
set out there.

We merely listen to commands.

夏雨 · 发表于: 星期二十二月 13, 2005 11:29 pm 发表主题:

话语权在谁手中谁就握有了真理和正义。对于战士，他可能不去明辨是非，他需要的是永远服从命令。
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一切都在改变，一切都是无常

雪泥 · 发表于: 星期三十二月 14, 2005 2:38 pm 发表主题: a good poem

an emotional piece, easy to understand,and good flow
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雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
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星子 · 发表于: 星期三十二月 14, 2005 11:00 pm 发表主题:

What I feel difficult is the tense, not sure....

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As the guy listened to his heart,
and was willing to bleed for others' peace
and our deaf;
we never ask the same question
to a soldier
when he farewells his family
and his own country,
sets out there.

We merely listen to commands.
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雪泥 · 发表于: 星期三十二月 14, 2005 11:56 pm 发表主题:

---

As the guy listened to his heart,
and was willing to bleed for others' peace
and our deaf;
we never ask the same question
to a soldier
when he farewells his family ——————可能要考虑一下when和As，选
and his own country, 择其一，我觉得韵律上要好点。
sets out there.

We merely listen to commands.[/quote]
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雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选新浪连载

雪泥 · 发表于: 星期四十二月 15, 2005 12:06 am 发表主题:

星子 · 发表于: 星期五十二月 16, 2005 1:10 pm 发表主题:

谢过。。。这首要大改！
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