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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146
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 发表于: 星期日 十二月 04, 2005 4:06 pm 发表主题: Friend |
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Friend
“Forget it”
You told me
When I fell down in upset
“What?
What is the point?
What is that I must forget?”
Honour, hurt
The past let it pass
Put the eyes in future
“Trust me”, you said
When I lost my confidence
“Why should I?
Could I believe myself?”
The question mark is in my mind.
“Just trust me, please.
I believe that I can give you a hand”
No more talk and promise
Only a few words warm my heart
Although outside,
It is still cold winter |
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和平岛[我还没有昵称]
和平岛作品集
一品翰林院大学士
（酷我！I made it！）
注册时间: 2004-05-16
帖子: 5614
来自: Victoria
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| 发表于: 星期日 十二月 04, 2005 5:16 pm 发表主题: |
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不错
但主要的问题，就是太直白
如何给人以惊喜？ |
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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146
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| 发表于: 星期日 十二月 04, 2005 5:32 pm 发表主题: |
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权当感谢信分行来读吧 |
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秋叶[我还没有昵称]
秋叶作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2004-05-20
帖子: 1633
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| 发表于: 星期日 十二月 04, 2005 5:42 pm 发表主题: |
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| "A friend in need is a friend indeed." |
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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146
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| 发表于: 星期日 十二月 04, 2005 9:14 pm 发表主题: |
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| 秋叶 写到: | | "A friend in need is a friend indeed." |
THANKS  感动的 |
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雪泥[雪泥]
雪泥作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2005-10-12
帖子: 421
来自: 西欧
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| 发表于: 星期一 十二月 05, 2005 12:43 pm 发表主题: Re: Friend |
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| Blue Ice 写到: | Friend
“Forget it”
You told me
When I fell down in upset-----不用in upset
“What?
What is the point?
What is that I must forget?”
Honour, hurt
The past let it pass
Put the eyes in future
“Trust me”, you said
When I lost my confidence
“Why should I?
Could I believe myself?”
The question mark is in my mind.
“Just trust me, please.
I believe that I can give you a hand”
No more talk and promise
Only a few words warm my heart
Although outside,
It is still cold winter |
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it is easy to understand,simple one,try to use some imageries or give it a deeper thinking
_________________
雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载 |
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Blue Ice[FAFAFA]
Blue Ice作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2005-05-03
帖子: 146
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| 发表于: 星期一 十二月 05, 2005 11:20 pm 发表主题: |
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| Michelle Reisdorf, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUGGESTION, I WILL TRY TO DO MY BEST |
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