酷我-北美枫

[Blue Ice]

Umbrella

-I just want to say thanks lot to my best friend


Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
You said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from the tears of the black clouds”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart

[[FAFAFA]]

Umbrella

-I just want to say thanks lot to my best friend


Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
You said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from the tears of the black clouds”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart

[秋叶]

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart.


Good poem!

I need the Umbrella too.

[[我还没有昵称]]

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are the poetry
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

Oh, the simple poesy is a handkerchief
That wiped all of the haze from my heart.


Good poem!

I need the Umbrella too.

[broadstroke]

I like the poem. My only suggestions are: (1) reverse the words (you are) in line #3 to (are you), and correct the spelling of the word (poesy) to "poetry" in line #8.

[[broadstroke]]

I like the poem. My only suggestions are: (1) reverse the words (you are) in line #3 to (are you), and correct the spelling of the word (poesy) to "poetry" in line #8.

[Blue Ice]

[[FFFFFF]]

[Blue Ice]

[[FAFAFA]]

[雪泥]

Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
Said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from black clouds‘ tears”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are a poem
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

O, the simple poem is a handkerchief
Wiped all of the haze from my heart

不要忘了这是诗歌，不是其它文体的写作。就跟你写中文诗一样，有拟人化的运用，是不是？文字的跳跃允许你的句式灵活多变。生硬硬地去造句好严肃的样子——放心，不用的。我在你原诗上有点改动，poetry 是复数，poesy 一般指有韵律的古体诗歌或韵文，文中你是指一首诗，那么就只能用poem
_________________
雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载

[[雪泥]]

Suddenly
The sky became dark
Under the thunderstorm
You opened the umbrella
Said to me with a smile
“ Look, we stand aside from black clouds‘ tears”

Are you an umbrella?
That blocks the cold rain
Or you are a poem
That sings in my mind
“Don’t forget that,
Nobody could let you down
Don’t forget to become strong”

O, the simple poem is a handkerchief
Wiped all of the haze from my heart

不要忘了这是诗歌，不是其它文体的写作。就跟你写中文诗一样，有拟人化的运用，是不是？文字的跳跃允许你的句式灵活多变。生硬硬地去造句好严肃的样子——放心，不用的。我在你原诗上有点改动，poetry 是复数，poesy 一般指有韵律的古体诗歌或韵文，文中你是指一首诗，那么就只能用poem
_________________
雪泥长篇《趟过祖母河》全本
雪泥小说选 新浪连载

[Blue Ice]

[[FAFAFA]]