酷我-北美枫

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期六八月 20, 2005 5:23 pm 发表主题: Dark Rain

Dark Rain

The thunder is hitting my heart
The rain drip like beads
I am walking in the water
Whose tear is sprinkling on the road?

The cloud looks gloomy
The wind is yarning with pain
The skeleton of the umbrella is broken
Whose hair is flowing in the dark rain?

星子 · 发表于: 星期六八月 20, 2005 10:02 pm 发表主题:

The thunder sounds is making a noise
This line is repeating the meaning... thunder is already meaning loud sounds..

this first line and image is always setting the tone... So must the carefull.

Hope this critique helps a little.
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Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期日八月 21, 2005 9:32 am 发表主题:

Thank you very much for point it out, I'd change it

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期日八月 21, 2005 10:22 pm 发表主题:

Who Are You?

Who do you think you are?
Are you God?
Why do you carry the cross on your bruised shoulder?
Why don’t you want to be a tortoise to hide your head?
Listen attentively to the stories of history
And keep a piece of Armour that is carved with fairy tales

你是谁?

你以为
你, 是谁?
是救世主吗?
为什么用伤痕累累的肩膀, 去
背负沉重的十字架

想过吗? 学做
一只缩头的乌龟
去倾听沧桑的历史
留一片写满甲古文的童话

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期一八月 22, 2005 1:01 am 发表主题:

愈写愈好

肖今 · 发表于: 星期一八月 22, 2005 9:38 am 发表主题:

虽然看不懂洋文，不过还是想进来看看！
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░░破茧成蝶眼泪，从此不咸░░

NO FOREVER , ONLY LONGER！

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期一八月 22, 2005 6:39 pm 发表主题:

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期一八月 22, 2005 6:44 pm 发表主题:

frankjiang · 发表于: 星期二八月 23, 2005 3:00 pm 发表主题:

英文诗
有英文诗的魅力
只是自己英文比较烂
不是很理解内涵

在学习中
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快乐在诗里，感觉在舞中

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白水 · 发表于: 星期二八月 23, 2005 6:38 pm 发表主题:

读与写都是学习的过程

朱新魁 · 发表于: 星期三八月 24, 2005 1:51 am 发表主题:

The thunder is hitting my heart ,too

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期三八月 24, 2005 6:09 am 发表主题:

really? thank you.

broadstroke · 发表于: 星期一八月 29, 2005 3:41 pm 发表主题: Dark Rain

I can even see the rain outside.

broadstroke · 发表于: 星期一八月 29, 2005 3:45 pm 发表主题: Who are you?

He carried it, so that I wouldn't have to. Maybe that's one of the reasons that I talk to Him throughout the day.

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期六九月 03, 2005 6:30 pm 发表主题:

thank your for your encouragment. I know that God loves us.