酷我-北美枫

[星子]

It has been two years,
since I suddenly lost you.

People sent me cards,
with angel cuddling your tiny body.

You have left
a long trace of footprints,
as poems are my new babies.

They grow up separately,
in print,

you, as well,
I tell myself--
in heaven.

[[ANNA]]

It has been two years,
since I suddenly lost you.

People sent me cards,
with angel cuddling your tiny body.

You have left
a long trace of footprints,
as poems are my new babies.

They grow up separately,
in print,

you, as well,
I tell myself--
in heaven.

[风动]

emotional and touching.

[[风动]]

emotional and touching.

[星子]

Thanks.

and post other poet's comments here for reference...

Hi Lavender,

There has [have] been two years
since I suddenly lost you.

Specifying the time span is good because the reader knows this isn't fresh grief; it also sets up the opportunity for the poet to have written her "long trace of footprints" (which is a wonderful metaphor, by the way).

People sent me cards,
with angel [angels] cuddling your tiny body.

Here, the idea that a miscarried fetus is still of interest to Heaven is very reassuring. The unborn child has been given a persona. S/he is an individual, not just an unrealized possibility.

You have left
a long trace of footprints,
as poems are my new babies.

This is my favorite passage. The poet gives birth, not to infants, but to words. They substitute for motherhood, in fact. One wonders, also, whether the woman would have begun to create poetry had she not lost her baby. This intensifies the poem, for me.

They grow up separately,
in print;[,]

I tell myself[,] (--)
you, as well,
in heaven.

The semicolon need not be used, because the speaker is telling herself what these poems do and how they grow. Possibly you might consider italicizing "They grow up separately, / in pirnt". I recommend a dash following "myself', to divide the "myself" from "you, as well". The speaker is in one place and the baby in another. The dash both separates and links them.

This has the feeling of being true. I hope you are healing through your poetry and am so sorry for your loss.

Brenda

[[ANNA]]

Thanks.

and post other poet's comments here for reference...

Hi Lavender,

There has [have] been two years
since I suddenly lost you.

Specifying the time span is good because the reader knows this isn't fresh grief; it also sets up the opportunity for the poet to have written her "long trace of footprints" (which is a wonderful metaphor, by the way).

People sent me cards,
with angel [angels] cuddling your tiny body.

Here, the idea that a miscarried fetus is still of interest to Heaven is very reassuring. The unborn child has been given a persona. S/he is an individual, not just an unrealized possibility.

You have left
a long trace of footprints,
as poems are my new babies.

This is my favorite passage. The poet gives birth, not to infants, but to words. They substitute for motherhood, in fact. One wonders, also, whether the woman would have begun to create poetry had she not lost her baby. This intensifies the poem, for me.

They grow up separately,
in print;[,]

I tell myself[,] (--)
you, as well,
in heaven.

The semicolon need not be used, because the speaker is telling herself what these poems do and how they grow. Possibly you might consider italicizing "They grow up separately, / in pirnt". I recommend a dash following "myself', to divide the "myself" from "you, as well". The speaker is in one place and the baby in another. The dash both separates and links them.

This has the feeling of being true. I hope you are healing through your poetry and am so sorry for your loss.

Brenda