酷我-北美枫

[ericcoliu]

Reading and Writing: Life on the Page


Thinking of Li Bai While Waiting for Calliope


You promised
you would come to see me.
Through the lonely night,
I waited beneath the blossoms,
wondering if they kept their beauty
even when it was dark.

Raising my cup,
I enticed the moon,
for her, with my shadow
would make a party of three –
the moon knew
you were away from me.

Having never waited,
a woman like you
could hardly know
how long a night can be.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

Reading and Writing: Life on the Page


Thinking of Li Bai While Waiting for Calliope


You promised
you would come to see me.
Through the lonely night,
I waited beneath the blossoms,
wondering if they kept their beauty
even when it was dark.

Raising my cup,
I enticed the moon,
for her, with my shadow
would make a party of three –
the moon knew
you were away from me.

Having never waited,
a woman like you
could hardly know
how long a night can be.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[christine]

[[christine]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[温暖的水獸]

[[温暖的水獸]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[ericcoliu]

The following is the reply from my poet friend, Emusing, who currently is a poetry editor, to the original version of my poem:


"Ouch Chen-ou this one hurts so good. I love it. You have really captured something for the reader to experience. I love the direct nature of the voice and how it puts the reader right there. A few thoughts:

Thinking of Li Bai While Waiting for Calliope

or

Li Bai Waits for Calliope?

did you mean you are thinking of Li Bai while waiting for Calliope? I didn't think that's what you meant.


You promised
you would come to see me.
Through the lonely night
I waited beneath the blossoms
wondering if they kept their beauty
even when it was dark.

(What a knock out. I love that last line [sigh].

Raising my cup,
I enticed the moon,
for her, with my shadow
would make a party of three –
yes, the moon knew
you were away from me.

(Lovely, lovely)

Having never waited,
a woman like you
could hardly know
how long a night can be.

(I would end the poem here. The rest is not in mind a fresh idea and anticlimactic to a woman who is not used to waiting for anything. That sizzles.... Besides "how long a night can be" says what the narrator wants to say -- she has no idea of the eternity of want and waiting."

Based on her insightful suggestions, my poem has been revised accordingly.

Many thanks to Emusing.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

The following is the reply from my poet friend, Emusing, who currently is a poetry editor, to the original version of my poem:


"Ouch Chen-ou this one hurts so good. I love it. You have really captured something for the reader to experience. I love the direct nature of the voice and how it puts the reader right there. A few thoughts:

Thinking of Li Bai While Waiting for Calliope

or

Li Bai Waits for Calliope?

did you mean you are thinking of Li Bai while waiting for Calliope? I didn't think that's what you meant.


You promised
you would come to see me.
Through the lonely night
I waited beneath the blossoms
wondering if they kept their beauty
even when it was dark.

(What a knock out. I love that last line [sigh].

Raising my cup,
I enticed the moon,
for her, with my shadow
would make a party of three –
yes, the moon knew
you were away from me.

(Lovely, lovely)

Having never waited,
a woman like you
could hardly know
how long a night can be.

(I would end the poem here. The rest is not in mind a fresh idea and anticlimactic to a woman who is not used to waiting for anything. That sizzles.... Besides "how long a night can be" says what the narrator wants to say -- she has no idea of the eternity of want and waiting."

Based on her insightful suggestions, my poem has been revised accordingly.

Many thanks to Emusing.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[浴恩福]

[[浴恩福]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[川生]

[[川生]]