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Crabwalk (revised)

 
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 十二月 04, 2008 5:10 pm    发表主题: Crabwalk (revised) 引用并回复

Reading and Writing: Life on the Page


Crabwalk (Poem Sequence Based on Chinese Poetics)


I

Every night
I slept in Taipei
but woke up in Ajax

My mind was winged
by a yearning
for things not yet lost


II

An immigrant to Ajax
I'd stayed there six years
but at night in dreams
Taipei was still my home

Last week, I drove south
across the Canadian border
Reality dawned and I realized
From now on Ajax will be
where I am from



III

Sometimes I dream in Chinese
I dream my father's dream
I awake and become Eric

Sunlight streams into my room
caressing me with its warmth
as it welcomes me home



Note:

Taipei is the capital city of Taiwan and the place where I grew up. I had lived there for almost four decades. Ajax is a town located in the Golden Horseshoe of south central Ontario where I've been struggling with a life in transition and translation.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 十二月 26, 2008 3:28 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑
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川生[川生]
川生作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期五 十二月 05, 2008 10:44 am    发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:



Reluctant Progress (Poem Sequence Based on Chinese Poetics)



A thoughtful choice of the title, especially of the word, "reluctant."

What do you mean exactly by "poem sequence?"
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期五 十二月 05, 2008 3:15 pm    发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress 引用并回复

川生 写到:


ericcoliu 写到:



Reluctant Progress (Poem Sequence Based on Chinese Poetics)



A thoughtful choice of the title, especially of the word, "reluctant."


I think Crab-walking Progress would be better, one which, in my view, well expresses the mind-boggling and heart-wrenching process of integrating oneself into a host society.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 十二月 05, 2008 9:40 pm    发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress 引用并回复

川生 写到:


What do you mean exactly by "poem sequence?"



According to classical Chinese poetics, a poem sequence is a group of poems by one poet or perhaps even by two or more poets intended to be read together in a specific order. The integrity of a poem sequence is dependent on this prescribed order of presentation. A poem sequence by a single author is sustained throughout by a single voice and point of view, and it shows consistency in style and purpose from one poem to the next. The defining characteristic of a poem sequence is that each poem must have its own value and integrity yet contribute to the artistic wholeness of the sequence while keeping the logical progression of events.


Champagne 写到:


I think Crab-walking Progress would be better, one which, in my view, well expresses the mind-boggling and heart-wrenching process of integrating oneself into a host society.



I'll mull it over. Thanks.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 十二月 06, 2008 9:23 pm    发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Champagne 写到:


I think Crab-walking Progress would be better, one which, in my view, well expresses the mind-boggling and heart-wrenching process of integrating oneself into a host society.



I'll mull it over. Thanks.


I've changed my title to Crabwalk.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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川生[川生]
川生作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期一 十二月 08, 2008 1:23 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


I've changed my title to Crabwalk.


A brilliantly thoughtful title.

Thank you for the information regarding "poem sequence based on Chinese poetics." I think you succeeded in achieving your goal.
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 十二月 09, 2008 4:46 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks for being so generous in your compliments.

川生 写到:


A brilliantly thoughtful title.



It's taken from Gunter Grass's novel of the same title. Crabwalk, defined by Grass as "scuttling backward to move forward," implies a backward glance at history in order to allow one to move forward.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 十二月 12, 2008 12:22 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

I've revised my piece.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期一 十二月 15, 2008 12:40 pm    发表主题: Re: Crabwalk (revised) 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


III

Sometimes I dream in Chinese
I dream my father's dream
I awake and become Eric

Sunlight streams into my room
caressing me with its warmth
as it welcomes me home



I like the revision. The sunlight described in poem III can represent the shift in mood and tone of the poem. The imagery of it is warmly vivid.

ericcoliu 写到:


It's taken from Gunter Grass's novel of the same title. Crabwalk, defined by Grass as "scuttling backward to move forward," implies a backward glance at history in order to allow one to move forward.

_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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川生[川生]
川生作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期四 十二月 18, 2008 5:44 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


I like the revision. The sunlight described in poem III can represent the shift in mood and tone of the poem. The imagery of it is warmly vivid.




I like the revision, too. It communicates the inner landscape of the narrator beautifully. A warmth comes across.
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 十二月 22, 2008 7:15 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

川生 写到:


温暖的水獸 写到:


I like the revision. The sunlight described in poem III can represent the shift in mood and tone of the poem. The imagery of it is warmly vivid.




I like the revision, too. It communicates the inner landscape of the narrator beautifully. A warmth comes across.


Thank both of you for your discerning eye for my poem. A shift in mood and tone of the poem is deliberately designed to express a warmth as it proceeds to its end, and I am happy to know that both of you feel this warmth.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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