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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)

注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期四 十二月 04, 2008 5:10 pm 发表主题: Crabwalk (revised) |
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Reading and Writing: Life on the Page
Crabwalk (Poem Sequence Based on Chinese Poetics)
I
Every night
I slept in Taipei
but woke up in Ajax
My mind was winged
by a yearning
for things not yet lost
II
An immigrant to Ajax
I'd stayed there six years
but at night in dreams
Taipei was still my home
Last week, I drove south
across the Canadian border
Reality dawned and I realized
From now on Ajax will be
where I am from
III
Sometimes I dream in Chinese
I dream my father's dream
I awake and become Eric
Sunlight streams into my room
caressing me with its warmth
as it welcomes me home
Note:
Taipei is the capital city of Taiwan and the place where I grew up. I had lived there for almost four decades. Ajax is a town located in the Golden Horseshoe of south central Ontario where I've been struggling with a life in transition and translation. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 十二月 26, 2008 3:28 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑 |
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川生[川生] 川生作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)

注册时间: 2008-09-18 帖子: 72
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发表于: 星期五 十二月 05, 2008 10:44 am 发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
Reluctant Progress (Poem Sequence Based on Chinese Poetics)
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A thoughtful choice of the title, especially of the word, "reluctant."
What do you mean exactly by "poem sequence?" _________________ Lines go off in all directions. |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)

注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期五 十二月 05, 2008 3:15 pm 发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress |
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| 川生 写到: |
| ericcoliu 写到: |
Reluctant Progress (Poem Sequence Based on Chinese Poetics)
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A thoughtful choice of the title, especially of the word, "reluctant."
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I think Crab-walking Progress would be better, one which, in my view, well expresses the mind-boggling and heart-wrenching process of integrating oneself into a host society. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)

注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期五 十二月 05, 2008 9:40 pm 发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress |
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| 川生 写到: |
What do you mean exactly by "poem sequence?" |
According to classical Chinese poetics, a poem sequence is a group of poems by one poet or perhaps even by two or more poets intended to be read together in a specific order. The integrity of a poem sequence is dependent on this prescribed order of presentation. A poem sequence by a single author is sustained throughout by a single voice and point of view, and it shows consistency in style and purpose from one poem to the next. The defining characteristic of a poem sequence is that each poem must have its own value and integrity yet contribute to the artistic wholeness of the sequence while keeping the logical progression of events.
| Champagne 写到: |
I think Crab-walking Progress would be better, one which, in my view, well expresses the mind-boggling and heart-wrenching process of integrating oneself into a host society. |
I'll mull it over. Thanks. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)

注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期六 十二月 06, 2008 9:23 pm 发表主题: Re: Reluctant Progress |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
| Champagne 写到: |
I think Crab-walking Progress would be better, one which, in my view, well expresses the mind-boggling and heart-wrenching process of integrating oneself into a host society. |
I'll mull it over. Thanks. |
I've changed my title to Crabwalk. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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川生[川生] 川生作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)

注册时间: 2008-09-18 帖子: 72
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发表于: 星期一 十二月 08, 2008 1:23 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
I've changed my title to Crabwalk. |
A brilliantly thoughtful title.
Thank you for the information regarding "poem sequence based on Chinese poetics." I think you succeeded in achieving your goal. _________________ Lines go off in all directions. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)

注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期二 十二月 09, 2008 4:46 pm 发表主题: |
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Thanks for being so generous in your compliments.
| 川生 写到: |
A brilliantly thoughtful title.
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It's taken from Gunter Grass's novel of the same title. Crabwalk, defined by Grass as "scuttling backward to move forward," implies a backward glance at history in order to allow one to move forward. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)

注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期五 十二月 12, 2008 12:22 am 发表主题: |
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I've revised my piece. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)

注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期一 十二月 15, 2008 12:40 pm 发表主题: Re: Crabwalk (revised) |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
III
Sometimes I dream in Chinese
I dream my father's dream
I awake and become Eric
Sunlight streams into my room
caressing me with its warmth
as it welcomes me home
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I like the revision. The sunlight described in poem III can represent the shift in mood and tone of the poem. The imagery of it is warmly vivid.
| ericcoliu 写到: |
It's taken from Gunter Grass's novel of the same title. Crabwalk, defined by Grass as "scuttling backward to move forward," implies a backward glance at history in order to allow one to move forward. |
_________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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川生[川生] 川生作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)

注册时间: 2008-09-18 帖子: 72
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发表于: 星期四 十二月 18, 2008 5:44 pm 发表主题: |
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| 温暖的水獸 写到: |
I like the revision. The sunlight described in poem III can represent the shift in mood and tone of the poem. The imagery of it is warmly vivid.
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I like the revision, too. It communicates the inner landscape of the narrator beautifully. A warmth comes across. _________________ Lines go off in all directions. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)

注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期一 十二月 22, 2008 7:15 pm 发表主题: |
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| 川生 写到: |
| 温暖的水獸 写到: |
I like the revision. The sunlight described in poem III can represent the shift in mood and tone of the poem. The imagery of it is warmly vivid.
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I like the revision, too. It communicates the inner landscape of the narrator beautifully. A warmth comes across. |
Thank both of you for your discerning eye for my poem. A shift in mood and tone of the poem is deliberately designed to express a warmth as it proceeds to its end, and I am happy to know that both of you feel this warmth. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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