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川生[川生]
川生作品集
七品按察司
（我开始管这里的事儿了）
注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72
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 发表于: 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 12:59 pm 发表主题: Re: A Diary of La Petite Mort (Disclaimer:Fictional Events) |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
I zoomed in on you, seeing your moving up and down with slow, circular movements and that man’s hands sliding up from your breasts on to your shoulders and altering your rhythm. I … I couldn’t stand it anymore. I opened my desk, took out a pocket knife, rushed down to the basement parking lot, and found his piercing red Jaguar. I stooped down to plunge the sharp tip of the knife with climactic fierceness into one tire, the second, the third, and then into the fourth. Fuck! It felt good.
I've made changes to some of the diary entries, in which the reader might feel flummoxed by their POVs. |
I felt the emotional weight of his plunging.
I liked your revision, which is easiler to read and see more of characters.
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
最后进行编辑的是 川生 on 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 1:05 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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川生[川生]
川生作品集
七品按察司
（我开始管这里的事儿了）
注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72
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| 发表于: 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 1:03 pm 发表主题: Re: A Diary of La Petite Mort (Disclaimer:Fictional Events) |
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| ericcoliu 写到: |
[Originally, my story was a reply in words and action to Lake’s question about co-authorship. Many thanks to Champagne, Fanfan, and 温暖的水獸, who was constantly bugging me and calling me Peeping Tom through our e-mail exchanges. Hopefully, this story will be the first step in restoring the beautiful and encouraging tradition mentioned in my discussions with Lake)
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Your incorporation or absorption of writings by other writers reminds me of D. H. Thomas' use of such "composite material" in his novel en tiled The White Hotel.
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Lines go off in all directions. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期四 十一月 27, 2008 5:22 pm 发表主题: Re: A Diary of La Petite Mort (Disclaimer:Fictional Events) |
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| 川生 写到: |
I felt the emotional weight of his plunging.
I liked your revision, which is easiler to read and see more of characters. |
Thanks for coming back to leave your encouraging comments, which mean a lot to me.
| 川生 写到: |
Your incorporation or absorption of writings by other writers reminds me of D. H. Thomas' use of such "composite material" in his novel entiled The White Hotel. |
Do you mean D. M. Thomas' The White Hotel?
To my best knowledge, the view supported by the majority of literary critics of his use of "composite material" is that his novel is postmodernist while mine is multi-genrist which has a relatively consistent narrative structure.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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clair[clair]
clair作品集
七品按察司
（我开始管这里的事儿了）
注册时间: 2008-03-13
帖子: 83
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| 发表于: 星期四 十二月 11, 2008 3:52 pm 发表主题: |
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I like the entries with Mary and Sarah that show the narrator in a more interesting way and that add a emotional depth to the story.
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This dark
Ceiling without a star |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 十二月 12, 2008 12:28 am 发表主题: |
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Thanks for your sharp eye for my story.
In addition to those abovementioned entries, the entries with Joe and the narrator's classmates have a similar function.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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