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何君华[何君华]
何君华作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-05-24
帖子: 29
来自: 中国，内蒙古
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 发表于: 星期四 九月 18, 2008 10:09 pm 发表主题: 等 待 |
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等 待
何君华
像一个少女
静立在绿色的邮筒旁
像蜘蛛 粘在时间的网中
像春天的种子
躲在厚厚的积雪中
像我
望着你出现的巷口
久久不转动眼眸
Waiting
translated by He Ting , He Junhua
Waiting is a young girl
Standing silently beside a green postbox
Is a spider
That is sticked in the net of time
Is also a spring seed
Hides in the snowy fields
And is my quiet eyes
staring at the alley
Where you once appeared
_________________
何君华 |
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何君华[何君华]
何君华作品集
九品县令
（一不小心，做了官儿了。）
注册时间: 2008-05-24
帖子: 29
来自: 中国，内蒙古
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| 发表于: 星期二 九月 23, 2008 2:11 am 发表主题: 这是翻译的新版，请批评！ |
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这是翻译的新版，请批评！
等 待
像一個少女
靜立在綠色的郵筒旁
像蜘蛛粘在時間的網中
像春天的種子
躲在厚厚的積雪中
像我
望著你出現的巷口
久久不轉動眼眸
WAITING
translated by He Ting , He Junhua
As a young girl
Standing silently beside a green postbox
As a spider
Sticking itself in the net of time
Also, as a spring seed
Hiding under the accumulated snow
And such as I
Looking at the alley that you will appear
With staring eyes
_________________
何君华 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期四 九月 25, 2008 11:09 pm 发表主题: Re: 这是翻译的新版，请批评！ |
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| 何君华 写到: |
这是翻译的新版，请批评！
等 待
像一個少女
靜立在綠色的郵筒旁
像蜘蛛粘在時間的網中
像春天的種子
躲在厚厚的積雪中
像我
望著你出現的巷口
久久不轉動眼眸
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The imagery employed in your poem doesn't heighten the emotional impact of the poem due to a lack of parallelism.
| 何君华 写到: |
WAITING
translated by He Ting , He Junhua
As a young girl
Standing silently beside a green postbox
As a spider
Sticking itself in the net of time
Also, as a spring seed
Hiding under the accumulated snow
And such as I
Looking at the alley that you will appear
With staring eyes |
Your line-for-line translation doesn't work well.
I wrote a new poem entitled The Nineteenth Year. It sprang from my re-working of the imagery employed in your poem and my reflection on Ha Jin’s award-winning novel of the same title, a love story in which Lin Kong, a Chinese doctor at an army hospital, has been waiting to divorce his wife Shuyu and marry his girlfriend Manna Wu for eighteen years.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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