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Day and Night (New Two Versions) co-written by ericcoliu

 
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103

帖子发表于: 星期日 六月 08, 2008 1:47 pm    发表主题: Day and Night (New Two Versions) co-written by ericcoliu 引用并回复

Day and Night

It’s just a short day
Rushing into a long night
It doesn’t matter what you've done
For everything remains the same

Version I:gggggggggggggggggggggVersion II:
Yet another short daygggggggggggPlease, no more short days
Vanishing into a long nightgggggggEnding with long nights
Time keeps pushing yougggggggggDoes it matter to anyone
To sleep six feet underggggggggggIf you stay napping in the dirt
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered


最后进行编辑的是 hahaview on 星期五 六月 13, 2008 2:12 pm, 总计第 5 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 六月 08, 2008 8:10 pm    发表主题: Re: Day and Night (Two Versions) 引用并回复

hahaview 写到:


Version I:gggggggggggggggggggggVersion II:
It’s another short daygggggggggggIt’s another short day
Vanishing into a long nightgggggggVanishing into a long night
Time drives you all the wayggggggDoes it matter to anyone
To six feet undergggggggggggggggIf you take a dirt nap


Does it matter to anyone
who is obsessed
with Heideggarian authenticity
if you write two versions
of the poem
which reveal the same existential angst?
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期二 六月 10, 2008 7:52 am, 总计第 1 次编辑
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 9:41 am    发表主题: Re: Day and Night (Two Versions) 引用并回复

hahaview 写到:



Version I:gggggggggggggggggggggVersion II:
It’s another short daygggggggggggIt’s another short day
Vanishing into a long nightgggggggVanishing into a long night
Time drives you all the wayggggggDoes it matter to anyone
To six feet undergggggggggggggggIf you take a dirt nap


In my humble opinion, I think version one is better.

You like to use the euphemism for death.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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clair[clair]
clair作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-03-13
帖子: 83

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 12:52 pm    发表主题: Re: Day and Night (Two Versions) 引用并回复

hahaview 写到:


Version I:gggggggggggggggggggggVersion II:
It’s another short daygggggggggggIt’s another short day
Vanishing into a long nightgggggggVanishing into a long night
Time drives you all the wayggggggDoes it matter to anyone
To six feet undergggggggggggggggIf you take a dirt nap


I like version two, a more poetic version.

ericcoliu 写到:


Does it matter to anyone
who is obsessed
with the Heideggarian authenticity
if you write two versions
of the poem
which reveal the same existential angst?


What does this phrase mean?
_________________
This dark
Ceiling without a star
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 9:00 pm    发表主题: Re: Day and Night (Two Versions) 引用并回复

clair 写到:


I like version two, a more poetic version.



温暖的水獸 写到:


You like to use the euphemism for death.


Thank both of you for your comments.

Yes, I use euphemisms (yes, more than one euphemism) for death in my piece.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 10, 2008 7:53 am    发表主题: Re: Day and Night (Two Versions) 引用并回复

clair 写到:


ericcoliu 写到:


Does it matter to anyone
who is obsessed
with Heideggarian authenticity
if you write two versions
of the poem
which reveal the same existential angst?


What does this phrase mean?


Generally speaking, the idea of Heideggarian authenticity is concerned mainly with self-fulfillment and self-authoring, which means taking charge of one’s own life, and by doing so, giving one’s life meaning and significance. One of characteristics of his idea focuses on our understanding of the inevitability of our own death. Heidegger argues that we can never understand death through another's death and uses this fact to reveal that death remains the one thing that individuates. By "running forward to death" we can see our past as our own and have the ability for the first time to appropriate it as our own. In doing so we become able, again for the first time, to be authentic, that is, to live authentically not falling into Das Man (theyness). Therefore for Heidegger at the heart of becoming authentic is the need to free ourselves from all corrupting relations to others.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 六月 13, 2008 8:32 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

After the second reading of your poem, I think you need to make some amendments to the concluding stanzas.


Version I:

Yet another short day
Vanishing into a long night
Time keeps pushing you
To sleep six feet under


Version II:

Please, no more short days
Ending with long nights
Does it matter to anyone
If you stay napping in the dirt
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103

帖子发表于: 星期五 六月 13, 2008 2:04 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I've decided to re-write my piece with the help from ericcoliu.

We co-wrote a new version of Day and Night.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered
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christine[christine]
christine作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期六 六月 14, 2008 9:52 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

hahaview 写到:

We co-wrote a new version of Day and Night.


Gee, a collective work.

I like the revised one, especially version II of the concluding stanza.

"There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy."
-- Albert Camus
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期日 六月 15, 2008 8:36 pm    发表主题: Re: Day and Night (New Two Versions) co-written by ericcoliu 引用并回复

hahaview 写到:


Version I:gggggggggggggggggggggVersion II:
Yet another short daygggggggggggPlease, no more short days
Vanishing into a long nightgggggggEnding with long nights
Time keeps pushing yougggggggggDoes it matter to anyone
To sleep six feet underggggggggggIf you stay napping in the dirt


I like version I better.

Yes, every day is one day closer to sleep six feet under.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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东西[东西]
东西作品集

八品县丞
(又一个不小心,升了!)
八品县丞<BR>(又一个不小心,升了!)


注册时间: 2008-06-07
帖子: 53
来自: East_West

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 16, 2008 3:50 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

What is the ultimate difference resulting from the attitudes revealed in these two versions?
_________________
East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 19, 2008 7:58 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

东西 写到:
What is the ultimate difference resulting from the attitudes revealed in these two versions?


In a nutshell, authentic and inauthentic living.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered
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