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主题: Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind (revised)

robarts

回响: 6
阅读: 10700

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一四月 13, 2009 1:07 pm 主题: Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind (revised)

I've edited my poem.

Any comments on my title? I'm little disappointed!

主题: If On A Winter’s Night, A Sojourner (published in MET)

robarts

回响: 12
阅读: 20683

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一四月 13, 2009 1:04 pm 主题: Re: If On A Winter’s Night, A Sojourner (published in MET)

ericcoliu 写到:

VI

peel away
one shovel width of snow
at a time --
one, two, three...
eyeglasses fog up

This is my favorite.

My take on this fogged scene is as follows:

eyeglasses fog up
as I enter the house--
in the freeze
I have shovelled away
the dreams of my youth

主题: Tanka Third Place in San Francisco International Competition

robarts

回响: 27
阅读: 38305

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一四月 13, 2009 12:57 pm 主题: Tanka Third Place in San Francisco International Competition

博弈写到:

the point is as an enthusiastic moderator which you are you should promote not you, but the essence of poetry, and to my taste, better original or innovative which i see greatly missing in your works.

博弈写到:

for a Chinese ethnic poet, why promote that new found "American Tankii"
as if it is something really reborn and worth while, can't you be
more creative without them?

A nationalist view of poetry!

Ericcoliu, from now on, please read that little red book. Professor 博弈 has no slightest idea about how tanka (the modern name for waka) now is becoming one of the most popular and versatile short forms of poetry in English.

ericcoliu 写到:

博弈写到:

all I see here is a simple
play of copy act, can't help it!

Play music before an ox.

Bravo! This line has a dual meaning, cultural (Chinese idiom not idiot) and biological (ox's poor eyesight).

博弈写到:

well, another head, just don't get it
i think for haiku or tanka, it's like a quick come
for people with no creativity yet wanting a fame
masturbating themselves in a 5 by 7 room and then
by George or Hiroshima, all comes, at the same time
(go figure this one out)

then referring to " Show me your published English poems",
what a snobbery idiot!

Such "innovative" lines.

Maybe next time the failed poet will use F words.

ericcoliu 写到:

Any constructive, or even deconstructivist (if you know what it means and how it works) criticism welcome. NO TRASH WORDS!

As for ericcoliu's tanka, in my humble opinion, tanka I is too abstract, in which you try too hard to pack so many unresolved feelings into a few words.

I like tanka III the most.

主题: What do you read, my lord?

robarts

回响: 7
阅读: 13043

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一四月 13, 2009 12:47 pm 主题: What do you read, my lord?

Yes.

Does anyone read Azar Nafisi's Reading Lolita in Tehran?

主题: Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind (revised)

robarts

回响: 6
阅读: 10700

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一三月 02, 2009 2:40 pm 主题: Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind (revised)

Thank you all for your helpful comments.

Champagne 写到:

christine 写到:

robarts 写到:

eyeglasses fog up
as I enter the house--
in the freeze
I have shovelled away
the dreams of my youth

Thematically speaking, this tanka is tightly framed by the opening and closing lines.

winter sadness
surfaces
while I shovel the snow

Right?

Big Yes to Christine's and Champagne's comments

主题: A Woman Shot by Cupid’s Arrow (revised)

robarts

回响: 10
阅读: 11232

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一三月 02, 2009 2:37 pm 主题: Re: A Woman Shot by Cupid’s Arrow (revised)

christine 写到:

II

all ears
attuned to your words --
ripples
caressing the breath
of Spring.

I am impressed by this imagery, which well portrays a role reversal relationship between the acting agent and the object of the action.

主题: Such is the Road I Have Traveled

robarts

回响: 6
阅读: 10494

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一三月 02, 2009 2:29 pm 主题: Re: Such is the Road I Have Traveled

ericcoliu 写到:

Such is the Road I Have Traveled

ahead, two roads diverged
in the dim woods --
the journey was long

arriving at the fork
once again, I chose the road less traveled --
déjà vu

as the journey continues
I walk it fearlessly --
eternal return

Indeed, your journey has been long and difficult in terms of writing in an adopted language, and, in my view, it well reflects the journey of many participants here.

Be the way, what do you really mean by "eternal return?"

主题: The Winter of My Discontent (published in Word Catalyst)

robarts

回响: 23
阅读: 27501

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一三月 02, 2009 2:23 pm 主题: The Winter of My Discontent (published in Word Catalyst)

robarts 写到:

Here is my take on Canadian winter:

eyeglasses fog up
as I enter the house--
in the freeze
I have shovelled away
the dreams of my youth

Champagne 写到:

winter sadness
surfaces
while I shovel the snow

Right?

Yes. Congratulations on your publication!

主题: Under the Eye of the Clock: The Sparkling Soul of a Writer

robarts

回响: 7
阅读: 13668

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一三月 02, 2009 2:17 pm 主题: Re: Under the Eye of the Clock: The Sparkling Soul of a Writ

hahaview 写到:

ggggggggggggI bet you never thought you would be hearing from me! To think that I would be able to write to you ggggggggggggwas beyond my wildest dreams.

gggggggggggg-- Christopher Nolan wrote in a letter to his aunt and uncle

Christy once explained this heart-wrenching and mind-boggling process of writing as follows: "My mind is just like a spin-dryer at full speed; my thoughts fly around my skull while millions of beautiful words cascade down into my lap. Images gunfire across my consciousness. Try, then, to imagine how frustrating it is to give expression to that avalanche in efforts of one great nod after another." As gruelling as it was, he never gave up realizing his “wildest dream.” "Sometimes he'd go at it from 11am to 8pm," she proudly recalled. "At other times he would start, then shake his head when the inspiration wasn't coming. He never really knows until he gets the headgear on. But when the mood takes him it is as if time stands still."

Christopher Nolan's life and work teach me about what it is like to be invalidated because you can not give voice to who you are, and more importantly, you can overcome the barriers set by the society.

And every time when I think of his heart-wrenching and mind-boggling process of writing, I can feel the tears brimming in my eyes.

主题: Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind (revised)

robarts

回响: 6
阅读: 10700

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一二月 09, 2009 2:13 pm 主题: Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind (revised)

主题: The Winter of My Discontent (published in Word Catalyst)

robarts

回响: 23
阅读: 27501

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一二月 09, 2009 2:09 pm 主题: The Winter of My Discontent (published in Word Catalyst)

Good luck with your writing.

Here is my take on Canadian winter:

eyeglasses fog up
as I enter the house--
in the freeze
I have shovelled away
the dreams of my youth

主题: The Birth of Eric Liu on a Wintry Morning (revised)

robarts

回响: 12
阅读: 17454

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一二月 09, 2009 2:06 pm 主题: Re: The Birth of Eric Liu on a Wintry Morning

ericcoliu 写到:

Generally speaking, writing is hard; writing in a foreign language is harder than I ever thought it would be. It is always an ongoing struggle to bridge the gap between what I think, what I'm going to write, and what I'm able to write. Writing, sometimes, seems to me as displaced on the broken line between the promised and lost way of thinking. Worse, the awareness of and concern about my intended readers may distract me from expressing my own thoughts. Writing is, as it has always been, a toiling act of expressing myself.

Yes, I concur!

I write; therefore, I am!

主题: Four Steps to Seducing Calliope (three versions)

robarts

回响: 13
阅读: 16219

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一二月 09, 2009 2:01 pm 主题: Re: I Met You

dundas 写到:

I Met You

First eye to eye,
then hand upon hand,
later mouth to mouth,
and eventually,
feet across feet.

Ericcoliu's Poetic Reply:

feet across feet --
we dream
each other's dream

Here is my take:

First eye to eye,
then hand upon hand,
later mouth to mouth,
and eventually,
feet across feet.

we dream
each other's dream

Valentine's day love poem.

主题: Bukowski, so you want to be a writer?

robarts

回响: 6
阅读: 11084

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期一二月 09, 2009 1:56 pm 主题: Re: Charles Bukowski, so you want to be a writer?

hahaview 写到:

Poetry Discussion of the Week: Purdyian Answer to Bukowski’s so you want to be a writer?

Poems rise not so much in response to present time, as even Rilke thought, but in response to other poems.

-- The Anxiety of Influence by Harold Bloom

Poetry discussion between two dead poets? Interesting idea.

By the way, would you mind posting the full text version of Purdy's poem?

hahaview 写到:

Poems rise not so much in response to present time, as even Rilke thought, but in response to other poems.
[/b]
-- The Anxiety of Influence by Harold Bloom

I like this view of writing poetry.

主题: Gruntles and Gripes of a Married Man

robarts

回响: 8
阅读: 9721

论坛: English Garden 发表于: 星期四一月 15, 2009 4:44 pm 主题: Gruntles and Gripes of a Married Man

I've revised my poem and changed its title to Gruntles and Gripes of a Married Man.

Lake 写到:

But I'm not sure that the repetition of 'You' and 'I' really adds anything to the poem especially in such a short one, each word counts. It may work for others, but not for me, sorry.

Hi!Lake:

I hope my new title will give you a hint of why I use the repetition of "you" and "I."

Thanks for the close read and sharing your thoughts.

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