酷我-北美枫

[星子]

Ode to life ( A sonnet?)

Early spring awakens lush desires.
Willows dangle twigs that softly sing;
beside the streams, reeds flaunt bright green fire;
hugging the shore, a swan preens its wing.

I wander alone, thinking of you,
Poplar trees whisper, flocks of birds soar.
My paces descend in cascades of blue,
I long to join the rings at our core.

Life is mystery currents , I pray
Love and being loved embrace each scene.
When time goes by, they will gladly weigh
Each moment as gold with its own sheen.

Petals will wither and rings will be worn,
I'd rather treasure this moment than mourn.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Ode to life ( A sonnet?)

Early spring awakens lush desires.
Willows dangle twigs that softly sing;
beside the streams, reeds flaunt bright green fire;
hugging the shore, a swan preens its wing.

I wander alone, thinking of you,
Poplar trees whisper, flocks of birds soar.
My paces descend in cascades of blue,
I long to join the rings at our core.

Life is mystery currents , I pray
Love and being loved embrace each scene.
When time goes by, they will gladly weigh
Each moment as gold with its own sheen.

Petals will wither and rings will be worn,
I'd rather treasure this moment than mourn.
_________________

[Lake]

This is much better polished than your first draft. Good effort.

[[Lake]]

This is much better polished than your first draft. Good effort.

[星子]

Hi Lake,

Thanks a lot.

I changed the ( 8 ) one.

But I count the below (9)? Sometimes I am really confused. I don't know how to count...
My paces descend in cascades of blue, (10)

Please let me know why you count 10?

the last two I want to keep 10, since they are the turn point.


I also concern the use of punctuation.

Please do let me know if it is misused
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Lake,

Thanks a lot.

I changed the ( 8 ) one.

But I count the below (9)? Sometimes I am really confused. I don't know how to count...
My paces descend in cascades of blue, (10)

Please let me know why you count 10?

the last two I want to keep 10, since they are the turn point.


I also concern the use of punctuation.

Please do let me know if it is misused
_________________

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[星子]

Hi Lake,

I guess I count wrong in Paces.

I wonder if I can change it to "Steps".
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Lake,

I guess I count wrong in Paces.

I wonder if I can change it to "Steps".
_________________

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[星子]

Hi Eric,

I read your poem to TOPS yesterday. I will call you about the comments.

Streams or Stream I think both ok, since there are many willows and reeds, two streams across... but one stream may be have better view?

A swan preens one side of its wing.... So I may could just say: A swan preens its wing... ?

Let me know if you agree or not. Thanks
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Eric,

I read your poem to TOPS yesterday. I will call you about the comments.

Streams or Stream I think both ok, since there are many willows and reeds, two streams across... but one stream may be have better view?

A swan preens one side of its wing.... So I may could just say: A swan preens its wing... ?

Let me know if you agree or not. Thanks
_________________

[星子]

Hi Champagne

Thanks for your question.

Who are "they"?

Do you mean "love" and "being loved"? yes.


How do "they" weigh each moment passing by? to weigh like gold....
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Champagne

Thanks for your question.

Who are "they"?

Do you mean "love" and "being loved"? yes.


How do "they" weigh each moment passing by? to weigh like gold....
_________________

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]