| 阅读上一个主题 :: 阅读下一个主题 |
| 作者 |
留言 |
星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
|
 发表于: 星期一 二月 26, 2007 3:02 pm 发表主题: 何均诗译 (请批) |
 |
|
削梨的声音
(何均)
我独坐灯下削梨
削一个细皮的苍溪鸭梨
水汁直往外汪
皮一圈一圈地掉
但不断。此刻我听见
皮离开水果的声音
均匀如呼吸
更如我的心情
夜深人静。我独坐灯下
倾听削梨的声音
The sound of peeling a pear
(ANNA YIN)
I sit alone by a lamp
peeling a pear
a thin-skin CangXi pear
Juice overflows
Spiral of peel circles down
not broken yet.
Meanwhile I hear
the sound of the skin
part from the fruit
easy like breath
just as my mind
in the quiet deep night.
I sit alone by the lamp
listening
to the sound of peeling.
_________________
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期六 三月 03, 2007 5:38 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
 |
不清[不清]
不清作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364
|
| 发表于: 星期一 二月 26, 2007 11:11 pm 发表主题: Re: 何均诗译 (请批) |
|
|
The sound of peeling a pear
(ANNA YIN)
I sit alone
under a lamp (這裡好像強調了under，但是否在燈之下對詩歌本身沒有幫助)
peeling a pear
a thin-skin CangXiYa pear (蒼溪的鴨梨很出名的嗎?當外國人讀這首詩，cangxiya對他們的想像有沒有幫助呢?)
Juice overflows
Circles of skin drop down (不太喜歡這一句，Spiral of peel circles down 又怎樣?)yet not broken.
Meanwhile I hear
the sound of husk apart from the pear
smooth like breath
even as my mind
at the quiet deep night. (由smooth這三句怪怪的)
I sit alone under the lamp
listen to the sound of peeling.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清
博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
|
| 发表于: 星期一 二月 26, 2007 11:14 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
批的不错....
Spiral of peel circles down (好)
_________________
---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
|
| 发表于: 星期六 三月 03, 2007 5:42 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Just to share,
I brought this poem for TOPS critique.
They suggested: husk is thick skin like coca, so not for pear...
yet not broken.... change to " not broken yet"
And the ending is very nice, having multi meaning after translation, since the sound of peeling (pealing) the same... pealing is like bell's echoes.
I also brought another poem. A wonderful event to have local poets share comments together.
_________________
|
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
不清[不清]
不清作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364
|
| 发表于: 星期六 三月 03, 2007 6:39 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Good for you...
is this gathering the one near your home? Oakvile or Hamiton?
| 星子 写到: | Just to share,
I brought this poem for TOPS critique.
They suggested: husk is thick skin like coca, so not for pear...
yet not broken.... change to " not broken yet"
And the ending is very nice, having multi meaning after translation, since the sound of peeling (pealing) the same... pealing is like bell's echoes.
I also brought another poem. A wonderful event to have local poets share comments together. |
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清
博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
|
| 发表于: 星期六 三月 03, 2007 6:55 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Oakvile , Elka's house.
Today we had a new member, he is 80 years old and drove there alone.
_________________
---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
不清[不清]
不清作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364
|
| 发表于: 星期六 三月 03, 2007 7:00 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
| anna 写到: | Oakvile , Elka's house.
Today we had a new member, he is 80 years old and drove there alone. |
wow! 80 years old!
maybe next time I should come over also! haha. i can't find any poetry society in markham, or anyone near my house.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清
博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
|
| 发表于: 星期日 三月 04, 2007 9:46 am 发表主题: |
|
|
good.
You are welcome to join us.
_________________
|
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
何均[我还没有昵称]
何均作品集
三品按察使
（天，你是斑竹吧？）
注册时间: 2004-06-19
帖子: 973
来自: 中国四川
|
| 发表于: 星期日 三月 04, 2007 10:09 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
谢谢星子和各位朋友.
_________________
何均 |
|
| 返回页首 |
|
|
|
常见问题与解答 (FAQ)
搜索
成员列表
成员组
注册
个人资料
登陆查看您的私人留言
登陆
